This past week the media was full of photos and news from the devastation from “Hurricane Sandy.” This mega-storm system in the eastern United States brought high winds and tide, storm surges, pounding waves, driving winds, and in some areas, blinding snowstorms. The effects were that homes were toppled from their foundations or filled with water or sand, streets became impassable, vehicles floated away, and hundreds of thousands of people were left without homes, electricity, food, water, and in too many cases, even loved ones.

Whenever I read or hear of devastation from hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, fires, and other natural or human-caused chaos, I immediately think of all the victims struggling to meet their most basic needs. I am also acutely aware of how overwhelming this can be for individuals with autism.

Autism makes it difficult to process other people’s expectations, situations, sensory information, and events and to respond effectively. Typically this causes people with autism to crave routine and predictability, which provides comfort and enables them to function more successfully. Chaotic, devastating events such as this past week’s storm turn everything upside down, for individuals with autism, and for the people who care for them.

How can we help individuals with autism process, make sense of, and respond effectively to devastation and loss when it is incomprehensible even to us?

-       Specifically note the positives, including the people who are helping to meet our needs or the needs of others, the tools/strategies that are in place to improve the situation, and the progress that is made from day to day, even if it seems miniscule or unimportant.

-       Create a timeline to help promote hope, and to demonstrate even gradual improvement over time.

-       Be sure to note the things that have NOT changed. Were some favorite items salvaged? Are family members and friends still there? Are some familiar routines still in place?

Fortunately these devastating situations typically mobilize family members, neighbors and other community members, and even partners from around the world to provide necessary supplies and funding to bring about improvement in the lives of those who have lost so much. There are also teaching tools and other resources which can be used to provide understanding, comfort, and “next steps.” (Go to www.thegraycenter.org for Carol Gray's New Social Story Book: Anniversary Edition, which contains Stories about wildfires and evacuations which can be adapted for other forms of devastation, and her Guide to Grief and Loss for helping people deal with loss in a variety of forms. Fidgets can also be helpful for dealing with stress and overwhelm

However you have been impacted by devastation, whether as a recipient or a bystander, I hope you’ll continue to promote social understanding, and use your resources to do what you can to bring hope and comfort to those who need it.

Last week my family and I took a much-anticipated vacation. My parents had been working in California for a couple of weeks, and flew us out to join them for the last 6 days of their stay. In addition to a day at Disneyland, we spent priceless time with my aunt and uncle, cousins, and their children, eating, hanging out at the beach, taking a train and ferry, and driving around the countryside. It was a wonderful vacation!

The experience got me thinking…what is a vacation? While this was admittedly a “big” vacation, at least for my family, complete with flying, staying in hotels, and eating in restaurants, I know from experience that this isn’t the only way to vacation.

I’m guessing each person has their own definition of “vacation.”  For me, a vacation is time away from my usual daily routine and responsibilities…even if it means staying home. Usually vacation means time with loved ones, whether just my husband, or with our children, or as we did last week, with extended family or friends. I don’t believe vacations have to cost a lot of money. Our family often stays home and does “day trips” to museums or hiking at area parks. Sometimes we’ve made those “mystery trips” to add to the excitement. And other times, our “vacations” consist of staying home to complete projects around the house, or just to relax. Even when we’re far from home, we often purchase groceries at the store and eat in our hotel room to save on the cost of dining in restaurants.

For some people, the thought of vacations is difficult or painful. They might be alone and not have people to vacation with them. They may not have extra funds to travel or do special things. They might not be able to get away from their work or other responsibilities. The presence of disabilities or diagnoses such as autism might also make vacationing difficult for an individual or his/her family, either because it’s too uncomfortable to step away from familiar routines, or because sensory issues wreak havoc in unfamiliar places, or the logistics of dietary, physical, or other needs are too hard to work around.

There are steps we can take to make vacations more possible (and pleasant) with young children or with individuals with autism. I packed a little bag of “fidgets” and snacks for my two younger children last week. It kept them occupied when we were traveling. (Click here to check out The Gray Center’s fidget selection).

I watched Disneyland videos with my toddler so that he would be familiar with the music and other sights and sounds of the theme park while we were there. It was fun to see him recognize some of the characters and rides when we arrived! I took him to a train station as a passenger train was arriving and departing a few days before our trip so that he would be comfortable being around the commuter train that we rode in California.

Social Stories™ can help prepare young travelers for changes in routine, or provide information about things they will see and do while on vacation. Carol Gray collaborated on Stories related to practicing flying, which can be found on the web site of the Philadelphia International Airport. Social Stories™ can also be used to prepare a child for what will stay the same during vacation (a great way to decrease anxiety), or to celebrate achievements (which should constitute 50% of all Stories written).

Building in time to rest, or a quiet place away from noise and chaos, or even sensory activities such as heavy lifting, pulling, and pushing (enlist their help with the luggage!), as well as finding ways to structure your time so that it doesn’t feel too chaotic or unpredictable, can also be helpful.

Sometimes a family might need respite services in order to vacation away from their son or daughter with autism. Some organizations provide that service, but sometimes extended family or other community members are able to help.

How about you? If you have other tips/suggestions, or know of other helpful resources, or even if you’d like to answer the question, “What is a vacation?” I hope you’ll comment on Facebook or on here on this blog.

Whether you’re working or vacationing, I hope you’ll have a wonderful week!

October is National Bullying Prevention Month! You can find more information about this effort online on a variety of web sites, including http://www.pacer.org/bullying/nbpm/.

Unfortunately, most of us don’t need a web site to tell us about the realities of bullying; how common it is, and how devastating its effects can be. Many of us have been targets of bullying ourselves, or have watched our loved ones suffer from unkind words and actions. Advanced technology, for all the ways it has benefited our lives, has worsened the problem of bullying. People have greater access to others, and more anonymity, encouraging many to say or post something hurtful without thinking, and often without consequences.

A great first step to preventing bullying is modeling acceptance, tolerance, and appreciation for the people around us. We can avoid overly-critical comments, both in person, or behind others’ backs. Through our words and actions, we can teach and inspire others to be kind and helpful. As Aesop once said, “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” 

A second step to preventing bullying is to be proactive in teaching people how to be kind and helpful, and to also teach them to be aware of bullying attempts, and equipped to step in and deal with them as they occur. It’s the bystanders who often are in a position to stop bullying!

To help you teach these important skills to your students, we have several resources in our bookstore, including:

-       The beautiful hardcover picture books by Trudy Ludwig, including, Trouble Talk, Just Kidding, and My Secret Bully.

-       No Fishing Allowed; the curriculum (DVD and booklets) developed by Carol Gray

-       Carol Gray’s New Social Story Book: Anniversary Edition, which contains a great section on bullying, and how to develop a plan to avoid and/or respond to bullying attempts

-       Others, including, Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain…Cyber-Safe Kids…Girl Wars…The Bully, The Bullied, and the Bystander…The New Bully-Free Classroom…click here to view the selection

Best wishes as you do your part—in your own corner of the world—to spread kindness and prevent bullying!

October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month. You can find out more about this initiative on the US government site at http://www.dol.gov/odep/topics/ndeam/#.UHsV_daPWCI.

What does it mean to employ someone with a disability?

It means giving someone a chance to use their talents and abilities to benefit others. It means helping to keep people who are qualified to work off disability or other government funding. It means restoring financial support, self-esteem, confidence, and meaning to the life of an individual and his or her family. It means improving our businesses and services by accessing the variety of resources these individuals are able to provide. It means doing our part to make our world and our communities a better place for everyone.

The Gray Center is pleased to do our part to help people with autism and related disabilities gain the social skills to succeed at gainful employment. Our individual and group social coaching, “Social Coaching for Workplace Success,” gives us opportunities to partner with other local organizations which help our students with job development and job coaching, with many of them moving on to paid jobs or volunteer positions in the community.

What are you doing to support this process? Maybe you’re a parent, working to establish a home environment which is conducive to workplace success (we can help with that, too—see below!). Maybe you’re an employer, employing people with disabilities. Maybe you’re a teacher, job developer, or job coach, helping individuals to acquire the skills and opportunities necessary to get—and stay—employed. Or maybe you’re a person with a disability, working hard to advocate for yourself, to continue to gain and improve the skills you need to help your employer succeed at his or her business.

Regardless of the role you play throughout the year in disability employment awareness, we hope you will also help support The Gray Center’s part in this process. Your tax-deductible donations help underwrite social coaching for individuals and families, presentations for employers and school staff, and further training for our staff as we continue to work to meet the variety of needs of people around the world. 

The Gray Center has been working to promote social understanding since 1998. Our efforts are a continuation and expansion of the work of Carol and Brian Gray, who have devoted their entire careers to promoting social understanding. Since October, 2006, I have sent out a weekly article (The SUN News initially, and now Social Incites™) to give thousands of people around the world new or remodeled ideas for promoting social understanding in the home, school, workplace, and community.

But when and how do we teach social understanding to our children? Is this another subject which must share time and space with important academics such as math, science, and reading? With standardized tests or summer vacation looming, is "social understanding" relegated to a quick discussion during the lunch hour or in a once-a-year assembly? Do the kids with "special needs" get pulled out of the classroom to attend a "social understanding group" with the resource room teacher or the school psychologist while their classmates go about their usual daily activities? Do parents conduct a "social understanding" discussion with their children in the same way that they might finally schedule an uncomfortable session on "the birds and the bees?"

Don't get me wrong--any time devoted to teaching social understanding is time well-spent. However, in my opinion, social understanding is not the icing on the cake; it should be the platter on which the cake and frosting are securely resting!

It takes only a few extra minutes to talk with children about why people do things, how others feel when we use certain words or act in a particular manner, why they or others struggle with some tasks or activities, how they can use their abilities to help others, what they can do differently in future situations, etc. When we do so consistently and constantly throughout our daily lives, we build a solid framework which children can refer to and learn from as they evaluate what they're seeing, hearing, saying, doing, and feeling.

I believe that if every parent, teacher, bus driver, administrator, counselor, psychologist, babysitter, grandparent--every individual--commits to modeling and teaching social understanding, that incidences of "anti-social understanding" (bullying, prejudice, intolerance, and more) will become significantly less. And opportunities for success will greatly increase for everyone!

 

Recently on a Friday night my family and I went downtown for a live mannequin event. We battled heavy traffic to find a parking space, then headed out on foot, bundled against the cold breeze and toting umbrellas for the relentless drizzle that was creating puddles all around town. Yet we quickly caught the excitement of the thousands of other visitors as we walked from storefront to storefront, admiring the people creatively posed as characters from board games.

After we had walked about a block, talking excitedly about our favorite entries, someone suddenly shouted, “Hey, you’re going the wrong way!” Initially I wondered why the man was being so rude to us and several other people who had traversed the last block with us. But as I stepped aside to allow him to pass, I suddenly saw a cardboard sign at the far edge of the sidewalk. On it was posted, “ONE WAY,” with a series of arrows pointing the opposite direction from the way we had been walking.

In our excitement to join our community’s fall tradition for the first time, with the added confusion of large crowds, darkness, rain, and a sea of umbrellas, we had never seen the few signs directing foot traffic in a particular direction. And because there were other people in the immediate area who were walking the same way we were, we never noticed that we were in fact going the wrong way!

It struck me that this is how people with autism experience much of life. They head out to pursue a particular goal, not realizing that there is a specific way to do it; not reading the signs around them indicating what people expect from them. Often they continue down that path until someone (not always kindly) informs them that they’re going the wrong way, either academically, emotionally, financially, physically, or socially.

We would all do well to remember that their faux pas (or “violation of social norms”) often isn’t intentional. Typically people with autism mean well, but they are missing valuable information that will help them identify and meet others’ expectations. There are a host of strategies we can use to help them be successful, decreasing everyone’s stress and frustration along the way, and helping everyone to enjoy the journey.

In the classic movie, “The Sound of Music,” Maria (Julie Andrews) sings a song called, “My Favorite Things” She lists “raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,” among other things.

If I were to list my own favorite things, I would include beautiful sunsets, a walk through the woods or on the beach, watching and listening to birds (especially hummingbirds), spending time with my family and friends, and reading a good book.

Professionally, some of my favorite things are these:

1.     Brainstorming with parents, grandparents, individuals with autism, teachers, and other professionals to better understand the reasons for puzzling behaviors or “feeling stuck,” and to develop goals and “next steps” for achieving those. In the last month, I’ve met with the staff of a group home, teachers and paraprofessionals from a couple of schools, employment training specialists, a group of young people hoping to be employed soon, and several parents of children of all ages. I’m able to provide consulting and coaching services around the world, thanks to the technology of email, Skype, and phone, as well as meeting in my office with people who live in our area.

2.     Teaching individuals with autism to better understand themselves and the SOCIAL CONTEXT (or the people who interact with them). As I help them identify others’ expectations and strategies they can use to meet them, it’s gratifying to hear them say, “I never knew that before,” or, “I’ve heard this before, but I guess it’s time to listen and apply it to my life!”

3.     Learning from every person with whom I interact, in class or group settings, during a presentation or consult, in my office, and through email. You all have unique experiences, abilities, interests, experiences, dreams, fears, and challenges. As you share those, you enable me to grow, too—thank you!

Best wishes as you enjoy your favorite things this week!

What does autism have to do with us? Whether or not you live or work with autism, or have a form of autism yourself, the statistics (1 in 91) indicate that we are all interacting regularly with people with autism.

Have you noticed that removing all but the second and next-to-the-last letters in the word, “AUTISM,” leaves the word “US?” When I present on autism, I often remind audiences that focusing on autism should never be a quest to find out “what’s wrong with them.” Instead, it should be about US, and how we can be more understanding, more flexible, more helpful, and more tolerant. It should also be about how we can be better parents, better teachers, better siblings, better thinkers, and better friends.

The first step is to better understand ourselves, and our unique CONTEXT. What do we know about autism? How have our experiences, our personality, the things we’ve read, and the people we’ve met shaped our understanding of autism and our potential responses to people with this diagnosis? What strategies do we have available to help us be effective parents, educators, or others interacting with people with autism?

The strategies we use may be “innate” strategies such as theory of mind, gestalt processing, executive functioning, or social and emotional intelligence (what I refer to as the “building blocks of social understanding and social effectiveness.”) We may use calming strategies, sensory integration tools, or specific teaching strategies such as Social Stories™, Social Behavior Mapping™, the Social Response Pyramid™, The Incredible 5-Point Scale™ (all of which are available from The Gray Center at www.thegraycenter.org), or The Planner Guide™.

Invariably, most of us find that as we strive to truly know each individual with autism (his/her individual CONTEXT, STRATEGIES, authentic RESPONSES and reasons for them, and awareness of the SOCIAL COINTEXT), and are passionate about helping them to be successful, we do indeed become better parents, better teachers, better siblings, better thinkers, and better friends.