Current statistics (from the Centers for Disease Control, March 2014) state that one in every 68 children is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Years ago autism was associated with low verbal and mental ability and stereotyped behaviors, but the diagnosis now also encompasses many who are very intelligent, may have average or exceptional verbal ability, and have numerous other strengths. People with autism (or Asperger's Syndrome or Pervasive Developmental Disorder/PDD) traditionally struggle with social interactions. There is much that everyone can do to help them, through understanding and a willingness to provide missing social information. To find out more about ASD and available resources and programming, go to www.socialincites.com.  
 
The month of April is designated each year as “Autism Awareness Month.” Thursday, April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day, with a special emphasis this year on employment, a topic that is near and dear to our hearts as employment coaches and job developers. We encourage you to learn more by reading this article.
 
There are many ways to promote autism awareness:
 
1. Send the preceding announcement to at least one or two other people, media sources, etc. (consider school or employee newsletters, radio stations, newspapers, friends, relatives, web sites, etc.)
2. Organize a "Wear Jeans to Work Day" or other fundraiser with proceeds going to an autism-related organization.
3. Give a copy of my booklet ASD to Z: Basic Information, Support, and Hope for People Living with Autism Spectrum Disorders to a co-worker, neighbor, teacher, or relative, or leave one in your local library, health food store, or other location.
4. Provide an evening of respite for parents with a child with ASD.
5. Donate a book about ASD to your local library.
6. Write a note to a person with ASD, stating what you appreciate most about him or her.
7. Read a book about autism. We’ve provided some suggestions on our web site.
8. Take time to talk to someone about autism, and be sure to mention the positive aspects of the diagnosis!
9. Schedule an autism presentation for your school or other organization.
10. Hire a person with autism! Many are loyal, hard-working, and detail-oriented.
11. Your ideas…There are countless ways to make this world a better place through people with ASD and for people with ASD (and all of us)! We hope you’ll share some of those on our Facebook page!
 
During the next month, we will highlight various aspects of people with autism in our Social Incites™ weekly email and on our Facebook page. We will also be giving away some autism-related resources, so be sure to watch for your chance to win.
 
Thank you for the work you are doing to provide valuable insights on autism in your home and around your community. Together, we can make a significant impact!

I once saw a sign which read, “Change is inevitable…growth is optional.”  We all encounter change on almost a daily basis, whether it’s routine, minute change, or major, life-altering change. We know that people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) tend to have difficulty dealing with change. However, all people respond differently to change. How one person responds to change will usually depend in part on personality, coping style, other factors the person is dealing with concurrently, past experiences and exposure to change, how the change presents itself, and even a person’s age.

The research I’ve done indicates that responses to change tend to be the same as the responses typically associated with grief. Research varies when describing the different ways of responding to grief or change. But most indicate something similar to the following:

Denial: Refusing to accept the change or the need for change

Anger: Often people will look for someone to blame, and may respond by lashing out at other people—particularly those they choose to blame for the situation, but also others who may be close-by

Bargaining: Trying to find a way around the change, or trying to substitute other options for the proposed change

Depression: Sometimes people are so overwhelmed by change that it drags them down emotionally, and they find it difficult to function even in other areas

Acceptance: Accepting the change, and possibly even feeling empowered by it or enthusiastic about it

Many people believe that the most important aspect of change is how we respond to it.  In fact, change can prompt us to grow…if we let it.

“If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it” (Mary Engelbreit). In other words, there are some changes we can initiate in order to promote progress. When changes are unexpected or unwelcome, we can try to have a positive attitude about them. In fact, we can “Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change” (Brian Tracy) We may not be able to control the situations which force us to think differently about the way we do things, or to respond differently, or those which completely change our circumstances, but we can continue to stay involved in the process in order to help ensure that good can come from it.

Sometimes change can promote emotional growth. When a relationship changes, we learn something about ourselves and may possibly gain skills for maintaining healthy relationships. Other times change can promote financial growth. Many of us are being forced to change our spending habits because of dwindling savings accounts or lost income. With time, we may find that we do a better job of saving, and identify fewer things we “need” to spend money on. Change can also promote professional or intellectual growth. Many of us continue to learn new computer skills as our world depends more on electronic communication, banking, and other services. We may be forced to learn other new skills because of a job change or to help our children adapt to change in classroom instructional techniques. If we can maintain a positive attitude about change, and work to avoid denying, resisting, lashing out at, or being overwhelmed by change, we may find that it helps to bring about many new opportunities for growth!

I’ll close with one final quote on change. Okakura Lakuzo once said, “The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.”

Best wishes to all of you as you face new changes this week. Remember that change can promote progress and growth in our lives and in the lives of those with whom we live and work!

What is grief? Dictionary.com defines it as, “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.” More than likely, most of us have experienced grief at some point in our lives—some more than others. Often, we associate grief with the loss of a loved one. Yet we can also experience grief over the loss of an opportunity, abilities, health, a sense of security, a routine, an object, a friendship, or a dream. And we grieve over insensitive, hurtful, and cruel things done or said to us or our loved ones.

I have been thinking about loss a lot lately, not because I’m currently experiencing it myself, but because so many people around me are. In the last two weeks, one of our students lost her mother very suddenly. Her dad is struggling to parent two daughters while stepping through the social, financial, spiritual, physical, and practical implications of losing his wife, who was my age. At the same time, a local family lost their one month old baby after a one week battle with severe seizures, and a longtime volunteer at the thrift store where we often work passed away very unexpectedly. My daughter’s teenage classmate suffered a severe concussion on the ski slopes, and while everyone is thankful that his life was spared, he is struggling to regain the level of functioning that he had prior to the accident. Another family has just passed the milestone of one year since their fifteen-year-old daughter died from cancer, while yet another is remembering the death of a dad, husband, and grandpa who passed away a year ago after being in a coma-like state for many months following an accident. Still another young family spends their days tending and loving their 2-year-old son, who has outlived all of the predictions for his life expectancy, yet he is seemingly unaware of their sacrifices or even their presence as they lovingly care for his every need. For each of these people, life as they know it is a roller coaster of loving, remembering, hoping, fearing, and dreaming, as each grieves what they have lost.

Loss is a significant part of life; predictable, in that we know we will face it at one time or another, yet unpredictable in that we typically don’t know when it’s coming. Loss causes grief for everyone it touches, yet everyone grieves in his or her own way. (I’ll write more about that next week).

I have been profoundly touched by grieving people who demonstrate that they “do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who do not have hope.” (I Thessalonians 4:13). They have shared beautiful testimonies of hope of being reunited with loved ones, thankfulness for the gifts they enjoy, joy in the precious memories (old and new), and peace in the faithful provision of their Heavenly Father. 

Many of you reading this are experiencing grief, either fresh or somewhat healed over time. Whether you are grieving, are helping someone who is grieving, or are learning and growing in preparation for a future grief journey, I hope you will be comforted to know that you are not alone. Remember, “Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” (Earl Grollman)

It is incredibly affirming when I experience moments of feeling “good enough” as a friend, wife, mom, neighbor, coach, or author. I am thankful for kind comments people make, or evidences I am able to see of the positive impact made by my words or actions, or through the gifts of my time, talents, effort, or financial resources. I hope each one of you also experiences those fulfilling moments or experiences on a regular basis.

Yet all too often, I am faced with the feeling that I am not “enough.” When my mother-in-law moved in with us over Thanksgiving, I thought that my love for her and for my husband and children would be enough to create a happy home environment for all of us. I hoped that my abilities to organize, plan, prioritize, make connections, multi-task, and follow through would efficiently manage schedules and responsibilities for seven people. I prayed that my desire to “be Christlike” through sacrificial, forgiving love would supersede anger, frustration, and resentment when rules were not followed, respect was not given, thankfulness was not expressed, and when meal after meal that I prepared was thrown in the trash in front of me and my family.

I came face to face with the reality that all of it (which I translated as “I”) was not “enough” about the time we found a beautiful (fully-furnished) house nearby for my mother-in-law, and were able to bring her husband here from Pennsylvania. Two weeks ago we finished getting them settled after Steve drove them to Pennsylvania to load a trailer of the final items they wished to move to Michigan.

You may not have tried to live with your mother-in-law. Or you may have done so more successfully than I did! Yet I’m guessing you can identify on some level with not being “enough” in some aspect of your life. Here are some examples:

-       Many parents feel their parenting wasn’t “enough” to keep their children from creating behavioral issues at school or in the community, or to keep them out of trouble with the legal system.

-       Many adults struggle, knowing their best efforts weren’t “enough” to keep from losing their home, their business, their friends, or their marriage.

-       Many children believe they were not “enough” to keep their parents’ marriage from disintegrating, as they blame themselves for their parents’ divorce.

-       Many males and females believe they could have stopped the abuse that was directed at them if only their efforts to look good, do or say the right things, or make the other person happy had been “enough.”

-       Friends may think they could have saved a friendship if only they had “enough” time, patience, money, or insight.

-       Students may realize their academic efforts were not “enough” to pass a given grade, to qualify for a necessary scholarship, or to gain admittance into the program of their choice. Or the choices they made were not “enough” to keep them enrolled in school, resulting instead in suspension or expulsion or quitting before reaching the desired goal.

-       Many people of all ages and abilities believe their efforts at interacting with others are not “enough” to gain friends, employment opportunities, or other chances at success.

-       A person might feel he or she did not pray enough, pursue enough medical treatments, or practice enough preventive health measures to avoid a devastating illness or death of a loved one.

Did you see yourself somewhere in that list? Or do you have other examples? The reality is that sometimes we do not expend enough effort to achieve our goals. Hopefully those times become learning experiences, giving us the motivation to do more or better next time. Yet other times our efforts should have been “enough,” but other people and circumstances made it impossible to achieve our goals.

I find comfort in the knowledge that each day brings new opportunities to love, give, forgive, to expend effort, etc….and there is comfort in knowing that often when things do not work out the way I thought they would, it isn’t that I wasn’t “enough,” but simply it “wasn’t meant to be.” My mother-in-law wasn’t meant to live with us long-term. Instead, she is happily settled in her own home, and her husband is able to be cared for there, and has some activities that help him feel relevant and needed.

This week, I’m wishing all of you renewed inspiration, motivation, and strength for the times when you need to work harder or persist longer at something. I’m also wishing you comfort, peace, and the ability to “let go” when something “isn’t meant to be.” Be gentle with yourself…typically, with the right kind of help, you are “enough” for whatever you are called to do!

Are you familiar with a “boomerang?” Dictionary.com defines it as, “a bent or curved piece of tough wood used by the Australian Aborigines as a throwing club, one form of which can be thrown as to return to the thrower.”

Most people have heard the saying, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive,” (Acts 20:35), and we’re generally taught to give with pure motives, not expecting anything in return. However, there is one type of gift that I believe can often function as a “boomerang.” When you give it away, it often comes right back to you…

In my book, ASD to Z: Basic Information, Support, and Hope for People Living with Autism Spectrum Disorders, (a 50-page booklet newly revised and expanded in 2014) I have included information and insight for each letter of the alphabet. For the letter “F” I’ve written, “What is Friendship?” It’s a look at “friendly choices” people can make to give the gift of friendship to others (along with suggestions for combating bullying). In my work as a coach, parents often say to me, “My child doesn’t have any friends!” My response is usually to help them work with their child to emphasize “being a friend,” which often yields the return of friendly gestures from others.

How have you or others extended the gift of friendship recently? I have been overwhelmed in the last several weeks by gifts others have given to me. Here are a few examples:

-       Suzanne, a Social Incites™ reader from Charlotte, Tennessee, had her church’s quilt ministry create a beautiful prayer quilt for me. A few weeks ago the church members tied knots in the quilt and specifically prayed the prayer I had requested, that I “would be more Christlike each day, surrendering myself to Him that I might be used to encourage and lead others to Him.” A fringe benefit that morning was that the extreme stomach pain I was experiencing disappeared and has not returned! Thank you, Suzanne and the members of Mt. Liberty Cumberland Presbyterian Church, and a special thank you to our Heavenly Father who used these long-distance friends to bless me!

-       Last week my husband moved his parents’ furniture and other belongings from Pennsylvania to Michigan. When it came time to unload the trailer, my in-laws’ new neighbor, Peter, had shoveled the driveway to make room, and 18 church friends (including four teens and three children) showed up to unload the trailer. Many hands made light work…we were done in under an hour, just in time to enjoy dinner together!

-       In the middle of a snowstorm just over a week ago, a snowplow unexpectedly drove into our driveway and cleared all the snow away…two nights in a row! We discovered the driver had been our friend, a local doctor, who was subbing for someone who plows snow for a living. Dr. Vance was “practicing” on our driveway, and because of the gift of his time and service, my kids and I didn’t have to go out and shovel late at night (in the dark and sub-zero temperatures) while my husband was out of town helping his parents!

-       A new friend from Bible Study gave me a book by Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word. Even though Rachel was vacationing in Florida, she had the book mailed to me to encourage me and help me grow!

-       Nicole pulled me aside after Bible Study a few weeks ago, and said, “I’d like you to have this!” She handed me the necklace she had been wearing around her neck, which contains a pretty pendant along with a tiny mustard seed, with the inscription “Matthew 17:20.”

-       A. Ryskamp reviewed my ASD to Z book online…I appreciate people taking the time to let others know when my resources are helpful!

-       Many of you took the time to write to me this week. Your emails are always a gift of friendship! I love to hear about your insights, encouragement, celebrations, struggles, questions, and dreams. Remember you’re always welcome to post comments on Facebook or below, also!

Like a boomerang, these gifts inspire me to give back. Sometimes I’m able to return friendly gestures directly to the original giver. Other times I pass one on to someone else.

I’m guessing most of you can also list “friendly gifts” which have been given to you, whether they were material possessions, or the gift of someone’s time, encouragement, practical assistance, or prayer. The question is, will you “boomerang” their gift by sending it back to them or someone else? If you are having difficulty listing gifts you’ve been given, maybe it’s time to consider how you can reach out to others to assist, encourage, or bless them.

The gift of friendship is a great way to make the world a better place, for others, and for ourselves!