I receive many emails each week, most of which are legitimate requests for help or sources of valuable information. Many others are “spam,” which I delete in spite of their urging me to “click here” or “forward to everyone you know.”

One unexpected email seemed like an appropriate “Social Incite” to pass along to all of you. It is a humorous look at our English language (or at least our American English). As we consider the language and communication differences of people with autism spectrum disorders, this piece illustrates the challenges that we present to people who tend to interpret things literally!

The title of this piece is simply “UP,” and it was forwarded from a group called Agathon:

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.' It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now . . . my time is UP !

Did this one crack you UP?

If laughter truly is the best medicine, I hope your Monday has been brightened UP by today’s Social Incites!

I recently heard that the American snack cakes “Twinkies” by Hostess Brands are in danger of disappearing off grocery store shelves because of financial difficulties. Granted, I haven’t purchased or eaten a “Twinkie” in countless years. Yet I was saddened by the news that this icon from my youth may no longer be available as a fond reminder of my early years, nor will my grandchildren be able to experience this packaged treat. I don’t believe that I can (or would want to) single-handedly help “Twinkies” stage a comeback, but I plan to purchase a box next time I’m at the store, just to show my support and ensure that my children have an opportunity to create a joint memory with me of Hostess cakes.

Whether or not you care that “Twinkies” may soon be history (or whether or not you even know they ever existed), I have a related question for you today. Can you imagine life (yours or your children’s) without The Gray Center?

We are a very small nonprofit organization, with an annual budget less than $100,000. We respond to needs and provide valuable services around the world with a budget that provides for only 45 staffing hours per week. We receive no government funding. We receive no private grants. We charge minimal prices for our services, knowing that the people who need them often do not have the money to pay for them. In the past, we relied on the sales of books and DVDs to fund our budget so that we can provide our services. With the rise of Amazon and e-readers, that is no longer feasible.

Will you do your part to show support for the work we do, and help to ensure that we can continue to be here for you, your children, and your grandchildren?

While your gift of $25, $100, or even $500 will not meet all of The Gray Center’s needs, your show of support, combined with the gifts of everyone else reading this email, may be exactly what we need to stage a powerful comeback. If you are unable to give at this time, perhaps you can arrange for someone else (a friend, relative, employer, or local business) to give in your place.

What does The Gray Center mean to you? Who have you told? How much have you given? I hope that today will be the day that The Gray Center outpaces Twinkies, for so much more is at stake in the lives of our families, schools, workplaces, and communities. We believe that this Social Incites™ newsletter, Social Stories™, The Social Response Pyramid™, our web site, presentations, groups, classes, library, and bookstore meet a crucial need today, and will far into the future, if only you will help support us.

Will you give a gift today?

Thank you in advance for your support, your help in advertising The Gray Center, your encouragement, and your financial contributions. We literally can’t do it without you!

Statistics show that only one or two of the thousands of people reading this email will respond by giving. If everyone decides to be the ONE that gives, The Gray Center could have the support it needs, not only to survive, but to thrive, with opportunities to increase our services and reach even more people with our information and support.

For the last few weeks, I have spent almost every evening in the hospital visiting a friend. She’s been struggling with issues related to depression, bi-polar, ADHD, anxiety, and difficulty regulating medications. We’ve laughed, cried, and prayed together, and reminisced about the good times we’ve shared since high school (that’s a lot of years!).

One night last week, my friend was quite distraught over an altercation she had with a staff member earlier in the day. She talked about the hurtful things the person had said, the pain augmented by the fact that it was done angrily, and in public. The stress that resulted was almost more than my friend could handle, and she indicated that she wasn’t likely to get any sleep again that night.

She was particularly upset that the person who had clashed with her was one of the hospital’s “DBT trainers.” DBT is “Dialectical Behavior Therapy,” the method taught each day to all of the patients to help them get in touch with their emotions, manage those effectively, and find ways to connect effectively with each other. My friend lamented that the staff person was clearly better at teaching the method than she was at using it to control her own interactions with others. Then she added, “I go to the classes, but I just don’t understand any of it...There has to be an easier way!”

I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, and began to teach my friend the “Social Response Pyramid™.” After just a few minutes, my friend said, “I understand this! It is so much easier than DBT. It actually makes sense to me!” Visiting hours ended about ten minutes later. As she walked me to the door, my friend thanked me, and said that she was feeling much calmer, and knew she wouldn’t be losing any sleep over the issue. She had a better understanding of what had happened, and had a plan for what to do the next morning when she encountered the staff person again.

For me, that’s the beauty of the simple tool I’ve developed. The Social Response Pyramid™ is easy to teach and use, and typically “makes sense” to people; even those who struggle to understand social interactions on their own. I’ve often seen it diffuse anger or anxiety, and help people come up with valuable “next steps” for identifying and moving toward their goals.

Yet this isn’t a tool only for those who struggle due to mental, physical, or emotional functioning, financial or family circumstances, health issues, relationship difficulties, loneliness, etc. Like the staff members my friend encountered, I find that I need to use The Social Response Pyramid™, and a variety of other strategies, to continue to better understand myself and others, and to be more effective in my social interactions.

Whether you use the Social Response Pyramid™, or any of the many other strategies available today, hopefully you will continue to experience success, both in your personal life, as well as in your work with people who rely on you to come alongside them to teach, support, remind, and encourage. 

My husband is currently unemployed due to a slow-down with his employer’s vibration analysis work. This frees up additional time for him to help me at The Gray Center and at home. One of the tasks he’s taken on at home is purchasing the groceries each week. Here are a few examples of what we’ve encountered along the way:

One time, I needed “instant vanilla pudding” for a recipe. He came home with a package of four 4-ounce containers of ready-made vanilla pudding. When I pointed out that I had hoped to receive a four-serving size box of powdered instant vanilla pudding, he commented, “How much more instant can you get than the stuff you open and eat?”

When I wrote, “Kleenex” on the list, my son tried to convince my husband that I always purchase a store brand of facial tissue, even though I refer to it by the more popular brand name. But they came home with the more expensive Kleenex tissue because my husband didn’t want to get the “wrong” item.

When I write “toilet paper” on the list, I know my husband will come home with his favorite brand, even though it may not be the best value or the brand that I prefer—that’s one area where he doesn’t like to conform or compromise.

Recently, I tried being more specific, and wrote, “Minute Maid, $2.50” on the list. Both Steve and my son spent time in the powdered beverage aisle looking for a lemonade mix, finally calling me to discover that I meant the sale-priced ready-made orange juice in the refrigerated section.

Getting the groceries is a great way for my husband to contribute to our family. And it saves me valuable time each week, freeing up my schedule to spend time with our four kids, to prepare dinner, or to work on my own employment-related activities.

But the scenarios I’ve listed above (in addition to exposing a common source of humor in human relationships) are an indication of a very important social truth: We all start out with very unique perspectives, something I call “MY CONTEXT”—the basis of The Social Response Pyramid™, the teaching tool I’ve developed.  When I write the grocery list, I have my own ideas about the brands I like, ways to save money, plans I have for future meals, etc. When Steve purchases the groceries, not only is he missing much of the information I used to generate the list, but he also brings his own unique “CONTEXT” to the task, with his own ideas about preferences, needs, and expectations.

While unique personal CONTEXTS can cause miscommunication and frustration, they can also drive us to implement more effective strategies for being successful. I’m learning to be more specific when I generate my grocery list, and I take a few minutes to discuss the list with Steve before he leaves for the store. He is learning to ask questions, either while he’s first looking at the list, or when he is searching for an item in the store. We’re both learning to express appreciation to the other for the ways we contribute to the family; even if they’re not done exactly the way the other person would do them. And we’re learning to laugh at the ways our unique CONTEXTS contribute to keeping our lives from becoming too dull.

Here’s my “Social Incite” for the week. We all approach life through our own very unique perspective. We can learn to understand and appreciate all CONTEXTS (our own and others’), and develop and implement strategies for being successful!