As a teacher and a mother, and a person who does not count math as one of my personal strengths, I have often noted that some people are able to learn a math skill and complete an assignment demonstrating the skill, yet struggle to use the skill effectively when presented with “story problems.” For example, a person might be able to complete an assignment practicing multiplication facts, but have difficulty knowing that this skill is needed when presented with the question, “A school assembly is scheduled for Friday. The custodian has set up 20 rows of chairs, with 30 chairs in each row. How many people are expected to attend the assembly?” Although multiplication is needed to determine that 20x30=600 people, some students may not be able to transfer the skill they’ve just practiced to this “story problem.”

I spoke recently at a dental conference, and had a mom approach me with one of the most priceless insights I’ve ever heard regarding people with autism. She said that her son, who is in his 20’s and has Asperger Syndrome, “Couldn’t do the story problems of life!”

What she was saying is true for most of the people I’ve met who have a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and other forms of autism (as well as some other people who do not have a diagnosis). They often can be taught the necessary skills for effective social interactions. They can learn to make greetings, use eye contact, answer questions, take turns, show empathy, etc., but struggle to use the skills “in the moment” during a social interaction..

How do we navigate this reality?

1.     Be understanding. For many of these individuals, it isn’t that they don’t want to interact successfully with other people, or that they are unable to learn. Instead, being empathetic helps to ensure that we approach them with an open mind and the patience that’s needed to move forward successfully.

2.     Provide strategies to help them succeed. Verbal cues, visuals, role-play, and lots of practice can help the skills to become more “automatic,” so that they can be used successfully when needed.

Remember, we all have our strengths, as well as our challenges. When a person has difficulty “doing the story problems of life,” others of us can provide the necessary assistance and support to ensure that everyone in a social interaction can be successful!

This week's Social Incites(TM) is a poem written by Stephanie Hall, a young lady who is a member of our Growth Group and Writer's Group:

Why my mom should be nominated
for mother and woman of the year,
one reason to think this is because
Kathy, Mom and Wayne, dad adopted
Me from the jewel of asia and that takes A lot of hard work, energy, communication and I'm sure there were times I seemed like to be a challenge, but worth it. 

Mom has known me before
I had ADHD or aspergers
She looks at me, but what
She see, isn't what my condition
are and how it effects me, but
she is able to give me love and
protect.

Mom has taught me how to
be a hard worker and a strong
believer in God. Has pushed me
and been there when I first wanted
to sing, to the first time I went to college, and starting to write. Mom has been to wipe away tears in the good and bad times she would comfort me.

Mom has surprised me how strong
she is through bad times, recently our
basement was flooded and she had Dad
and herself and I moved to the guest room.
I'l be there for at least three weeks.

It amazed me she knew what
had to be done. Get everything
off of the floor, lost a few books,
but everything  was saved. If I
needed help with english, or even
with a particular writing I go to her.
Knowing that she has my support
what I write, I'm glad to hear if she
doesn't like what I'm writing she might
say," this is dark," that she may offer
A opinion, but sometimes its hard cause
She maybe a little bias. But she's my target audience and thanks mom for bending a ear to my music, writing or when I need help with friendships, or work you are an inspiration. 

You've taught me to be a good person at heart and to be strong, have a strong relationship with God and that being a kid a heart and having an imagination isn't a bad thing. As adults only a Small amount of us embrace its like writers and engineers and artists. In conclusion, my mom should be nominated for woman of the year.

Throughout my career, initially as a first grade teacher, then as the Executive Director of The Gray Center, and now as the President of Social Incites, LLC, I have had the privilege of hearing the stories of countless parents, siblings, teachers, administrators, social workers, employers, employees, therapists, children, teens, and adults. I have heard stories of exciting successes, disappointing failures, frustrating struggles, hopeful attempts, and unending questions. You have shared stories related to parenting, teaching, studying, working, and building relationships. We have dealt together with organization, schedules, behaviors, autism, adolescence, bullying, abuse, transitioning to employment or college, giving compliments, making friends, choosing schools, and more! Together we have laughed, cried, brainstormed, and celebrated.

Your stories have been a huge inspiration to me! You have helped me in my work, my parenting, and my relationships. You have challenged me to keep growing both personally and interpersonally. And you have inspired me to share your stories with others, to give them hope and inspiration.

The result of this is my newest book, Hand-in-Hand: A Story About Asperger Syndrome…and a Very Significant Friendship. The description on the back cover reads, “Join Rory Hollander and his cousin Alyssa as they navigate one week of their final year of high school, appreciating their unique friendship even while acknowledging the ways it will change in the near future. Asperger Syndrome, mutual understanding, helpful strategies, and respect are just part of this busy time in their lives, along with both positive and negative relationships, college plans, job prospects, and creative writing assignments. Regardless of your age or related experience, as you hear their story, and use the enclosed discussion guide, you’re likely to increase your understanding and appreciation for people with Asperger Syndrome and other forms of autism, and add to your toolbox of strategies to help yourself and others experience social success.”

I initially wrote this story four years ago. Because it was so different from my other writing, I was hesitant to make it available to the public. But then Kyle read it. Kyle is a young man who will be graduating from high school next month. His story was one that inspired the creation of Rory’s story. Kyle has been asking me regularly for the last year, “Have you published your book yet?” Then my husband met Vincente, a man who did not have the opportunity to attend college to grow his natural artistic abilities. He heard about my book, and drew a few illustrations to bring Rory and Alyssa to life for readers. He was so enthusiastic—along with his wife and four children, including one with a significant disability-- at having his work featured in “a real book,” that I could no longer leave this manuscript parked on my computer.

It is my hope that Hand-in-Hand will inspire you and your friends and family, just as I have been inspired by Kyle, Vincente, and all of you!