Are you crafting New Year's Resolutions for 2014? I'm guessing your resolutions don't read like this: "This next year I'm going to keep _____________ (i.e. eating, spending, etc.) like I always have." Usually our resolutions revolve around something that we identify as needing a makeover. Our weight is too high, our wallets are too thin, our jobs could use revitalization, our relationships have gone stale, etc.

Change is inevitable. We change our clothes when they become dirty, we dress differently for a special occasion, and we update our wardrobe as styles come and go or we outgrow (or wear out) our current attire. Family situations are transformed or modified due to death, illness, a new job, a child moving on to college or his own apartment, divorce, marriage, etc. Jobs change, classroom requirements change, and the seasons change.

We can get excited about making a New Year's resolution as we picture a "New Me" or a "New Life" as an adventure or an obvious improvement over our current situation. Yet how many of us have the ability to hang on to that enthusiasm and determination through the New Year, let alone through the first month (or week)?

The truth is, the possibility of change often makes us uncomfortable! This is even more true for individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), who tend to prefer routine and consistency. They may be frightened by the unpredictability of the unknown. Even the language of change can be discomforting to them. Words such as "new, different, and change" can provoke very strong reactions in them.

We can adapt our language to suit their need for predictability; to give them the information they need in a calm and reassuring way. When we know their "trigger words"--or those that cause them great anxiety, we can find words that are less provocative to them. For example, the words "another, additional, extra, superior, or better" may be less frightening than "new" or "different."

However, sometimes what we don't say is as problematic as what we do say! I still chuckle when I recall the story of family friends who were getting ready to move to a new house. They had been preparing their three-year-old for the upcoming changes by telling him how much he'd like his new bedroom, the new large backyard for playing ball, and the new basement. They were surprised that he didn't seem very excited, until finally one day he burst into tears and said, "It sounds OK, Mommy, but I sure am going to miss you and Daddy!" In their desire to get him prepared for upcoming changes, they neglected to reassure him about those things that would stay the same! In his young mind, he had a picture of everything being new, and all the old, familiar, comforting things disappearing forever!

With this in mind, don't forget to provide that information whenever you discuss a change or transition. Help your audience hold on to those things which bring stability and comfort whenever possible, thereby easing the anxiety surrounding the knowledge that not everything will stay the same.

Do you have other suggestions regarding this topic? I hope you'll share those with each other here! 

As we head into yet another "New Year," I hope you're excited about the potential for what lies ahead, even as you find comfort in those things that are predictable and familiar.

Yesterday I was thinking aloud at home, “What should I write about in this week’s Social Incites™?” My 16-year-old son quickly responded, “Write about your awesome kids!”

Many of us engage in writing about our awesome kids, especially this time of year. Photos go on Facebook sharing accomplishments or funny moments. Christmas or year-end letters go to close friends and family telling of milestones achieved or special thoughts about our children.

It’s good to take time to celebrate our kids, whether we have our own children, or other exceptional children (students, nieces or nephews, neighbors, etc.) in our lives.

When my son asked me the other day, “What would you like for Christmas, Mom? What would be most special thing for you?” my answer was, “To have all of us under one roof for a time, to just enjoy being together!”

My wish for all of you is that you would also have time to celebrate and enjoy the awesome kids in your life. It’s been my experience that they grow up all too soon!

P.S. My awesome kids are Ben (age 19 in his first year of college), Nathan (age 16, in his third year of high school), Jenae (age 11 in 6th grade), and Noah (age 2 and wishing he was also in school). Our newest family member is kitty Jazz.

The holidays are a time of increased busyness and sensory stimuli, along with some potentially difficult questions. One question faced by many parents at this time of year is, “Is there really a Santa?” While parents deal with issues such as this in different ways, the presence of autism or a similar disability may complicate matters. Several years ago I wrote an article to help, which can be accessed here: http://socialincites.com/uploads/3/4/2/5/34250367/santa_easter_bunny.pdf
 
This week I’m giving away two copies of my newest book, Hand-in-Hand: A Story About Asperger Syndrome…and a Very Significant Friendship. To win, simply email me, “I’d like to win your book!” I’ll notify winners by email on Thursday.

Whether the days ahead involve routine activities or special celebrations, I hope you'll all have a wonderful week!

So, it’s officially the hectic holiday and shopping season! I know that many of you are too busy to read many “incites” this month, so this week I am providing a list of things that may be beneficial to you as you work to survive—and thrive—as you spend time with family, prepare food, shop, plan and attend events, wrap and unwrap gifts, etc.

1.     Stress-Free Holidays? This is an article posted on our web site, which can be forwarded to others who may benefit from the information and tips it contains. It particularly focuses on the challenges unique to people with autism and those who support them.

2.     Thirteen Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do I found this article on the Internet. It has some great points that may help you grow even through this busy season!

3.     Fidgets make great holiday gifts, and could help ease stress during traffic jams, holiday parties, winter storms, or schedule changes.

4.     Watch our Facebook page again this week for more relevant resources, and for a chance to win a great prize!

Although this is a busy time of year, as we remembered last week, there are many reasons to be thankful, and there are many opportunities to grow and to connect in meaningful ways.

Enjoy!