Two weeks ago I wrote an article entitled, “Living More Deliberately.” Today I’d like to look specifically at the importance of deliberately protecting our children. In addition to April being “Autism Acceptance Month,” it is also “National Child Abuse Prevention Month,” so as we finish out the month of April, I’d also like to address that topic.  It’s a difficult, uncomfortable topic, yet the cost of avoiding it is devastating; statistics show that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18. I don’t know statistics for the occurrence of sexual abuse in children with autism, yet their characteristic difficulty reading social cues, understanding intent, and communicating effectively with others makes them a very vulnerable target. Click here for a great web site with perspectives related to autism and sexual abuse.
 
While the facts are staggering and disturbing, the reality is that every one of us can contribute to the solution to this problem! Deliberate choices can help create an environment where child sexual abuse cannot happen. These include:

1.     Educate yourself about the problem. It’s important to know who the perpetrators are (they’re not typically “strangers,” but are often trusted family members or friends), how the problem occurs (often in one-adult/one-child situations), and the signs and symptoms that a child has been abused (often there’s a change in behavior, emotional regulation, health, toileting habits, etc.) I encourage you to spend a few minutes at the Darkness to Light web site for more information.
 
2.     Be aware of your surroundings, and let others know that you are informed and deliberate about preventing child sexual abuse. Do you work with children? Do you have—and adhere to—a child safety policy? Do you make sure that people working with your child follow procedures that will ensure the safety of the children in their care? Do you avoid—and help others avoid—situations where a child is left alone with an adult? Do you know the parents and siblings of the children whose homes are open to your child? Do you know who’s at that home when your child is there?
 
3.     Be one of the fewer than 30% of parents who talk to your children about the importance of making choices that will keep them safe. Tell children, “Secrets can be dangerous. It’s best not to keep secrets from adults.” Teach them about their bodies, and that it’s not okay for anyone (even trusted parents, friends, teachers, or siblings) to talk to them or touch them in a sexual way. Teach them not to give out personal information over the Internet, and check up on them through deliberate monitoring.
 
4.     Make yourself available to children, interacting appropriately and safely, watching for signs of problems, listening carefully, and letting them know you respect and believe them when concerns are raised. And know who to contact if you believe that a child—yours or someone else’s—is being or has been abused.
 
If you have a heart for children who have been abused and neglected, and a few extra hours per week, you might want to do what I’ve done in the past—become a CASA volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate). More information is available at http://www.casaforchildren.org. Although this program is specific to The United States, readers in other parts of the world may have additional ways of supporting and advocating for children in your community. 

I hope you’ll join me in deliberately protecting our children!

About a year and a half ago, my children and I welcomed into our home a beautiful grey and white kitten we named, “Jazz.” My husband didn’t exactly welcome her, although he has allowed her to live with us in relative peace in the intervening months. Jazz has moments where she displays an acute interest in human interaction; namely when food is involved, although she also loves to secure a place on a warm lap for an evening of relaxation. If I go to the bathroom, I find her pressed against the outside of the door when I am finished, wanting to know where I am, and waiting for me to appear again. She tolerates all of us, although she has extensive and seemingly unprovoked “sass” for my oldest boys, and endless patience and long-suffering for my youngest. However, interaction works best on her terms. She knows when she is willing to tolerate us, and the rest of the time, she chooses to observe from what appears to be a disinterested distance. Those of us who love her dearly are able to appreciate her warm affection and even her “quirky” behaviors, as we accept, “That’s Jazz!” However, my husband is less appreciative of her antics, and is quick to utter, “That Stinkin’ Cat!” when she succeeds in snatching a loaf of bread (or a bag of brown sugar or potato chips) from the cupboard and runs with it to the basement to consume her bounty in peace, or when she jumps down from her perch on (or in) the kitchen sink (as though she had been innocently grooming herself on the floor the whole time) when he walks into the room. She has even been known to snatch food off our plates at the table when we turn our backs for two seconds!

Whether or not you are a cat lover, you might be wondering what this anecdote has to do with anything. As we celebrate “Autism Acceptance Month,” the resource, All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome, by Kathy Hoopman, may be enlightening and entertaining for you or someone you know who has connections to autism. The description of the book reads as follows: “All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome takes a playful look at Asperger Syndrome (AS), drawing inspiration from the feline world in a way that will strike a chord with all those who are familiar with AS. Delightful color photographs of cats bring to life familiar characteristics such as sensitive hearing, scampering at the first sign of being stroked and particular eating habits. Touching, humorous and insightful, this book evokes the difficulties and joys of raising a child who is different and leaves the reader with a sense of the dignity, individuality and potential of people with AS. This engaging book is an ideal, gentle introduction to the world of AS.”

Just as I am thankful for my cat and the joy that she brings into my life, I am also thankful for people with autism and the joy, friendship, and insight they have brought into my life over the past 20 years. (And I’m thankful that my husband Steve has much better relationships with people with autism than he does with Jazz!)

Best wishes as you continue to promote insight, acceptance, and appreciation for people who have been diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder!

As many of you know, April has been designated “Autism Awareness Month,” or perhaps even better, “Autism Acceptance Month.” Personally, I have seen and experienced many reasons to not just be aware of autism, or to accept it, but to celebrate the people who have this diagnosis. There are many ways that a diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) causes people to “live more deliberately.” Here are just a few examples:

- In choosing gifts for an individual with ASD, parents, grandparents, and siblings often validate a special interest, or select a gift that will encourage valuable strengths or address challenges rather than following the latest fad or craze of age peers.

- With a child with ASD in the classroom, teachers look for new ways to teach and to manage classroom dynamics, rather than relying on past techniques and experiences.

- Individuals with ASD try to observe others and ask questions in order to understand the world around them and to participate in it successfully.

- Siblings, parents, grandparents, spouses, teachers, therapists, and colleagues attempt to avoid sarcasm, dual meanings, and implied communication, focusing instead on communicating in a direct and meaningful way.

- Parents may examine their family's diet, considering how foods possibly contribute to autistic behaviors.

- Caregivers structure schedules and outings to promote success for children and young adults with ASD.

- People use the Social Response Pyramid™ and other resources to provide necessary social information for individuals with ASD.

How about you? Has being involved with individuals with ASD (or having been diagnosed yourself) caused you to live more deliberately? I'd love to hear your examples!  

Best wishes as you promote success--your own and that of others--through deliberate living!

I have some possessions in my home which simply don't have their own space. Papers have accumulated in piles because they don't quite seem to fit the files I set up long ago, and are too important to be thrown away or shredded. My storage room still contains boxes from my last move, with items that I haven't taken time to put away or to set out to use or to decorate our home. Although I've tucked these papers and objects into less-obvious places in my house, they are accumulating in a state of semi-controlled chaos until I have time to assign a specific space to each one or find a way to utilize them. I've written before about some of the benefits of chaos (there are a few). However, this particular chaos is unproductive and unsightly. Each item eventually needs its own space.

Sometimes we create "a space" for an item. A drawer, file folder, closet shelf, or hidden nook becomes the home for an item so that it is out of sight, but can be found or accessed as needed. When we create "a space" for something, we seclude it in its own location where it is out of sight or out of the way until needed. Other times we create "space" for an item. We move living room furniture to accommodate a new sofa, re-arrange a china cabinet to include another figurine or dish, or change a wall grouping to incorporate a new picture or piece of artwork. When we create "space" for something, we incorporate the item into a particular setting so that it can be used or enjoyed as we go about our daily lives.

What about people? Do we create "a space" for some and create "space" for others? Do we relegate some middle school or high school peers (or work colleagues or family members) to the fringes of our social interactions, while including others in our discussions and outings? Do we put a disruptive child in a corner of the classroom while we provide instruction to the rest of the class in the center of the room? Do we install a wheelchair ramp or a hearing aid system in our places of worship so that we can point to the "spaces" we're creating for those with disabilities, while neglecting to create "space" for them by sitting with them during the service, inviting them to our homes, or ensuring that they can also join our small group discussion or coffee times? Do we cook special foods for a person on a limited diet, while we continue to enjoy the forbidden foods in their presence?

I'm learning to re-think the accommodations I make for the people around me. Some are simply "token efforts" designed to make me feel as though I'm doing the right thing by creating "a space" for them. But I'm neglecting to incorporate them--their strengths as well as their challenges--into my daily life. In other words, I'm not creating "space" for them.

What about you? What about your home, school, place of employment, community, or place of worship? Have you done a good job of creating "a space" for some individuals around you, without ensuring that there is meaningful "space" for them? Doing so implies (whether or not it's intentional) that they are not important enough to be included in the types of interactions we reserve for others. Why are we quick to relegate some people to "a space" while we incorporate others into our own space? Sometimes it's because of past experience, or opinions we've formed from prejudicial comments others have said. Sometimes it's because of a lack of understanding or personal experience with those who are "different." Sometimes it's simply because it's easier, since it doesn't require creativity, effort, trying new ways of doing things, or the exercising of hospitality.

A commitment to promoting social insight and understanding necessitates the deliberate creation (and regular maintenance) of "space" for those around us! It means exercising hospitality and inclusion, whether we are playing, parenting, teaching, working, worshiping, or simply going about our daily lives.

A special thanks to those of you who so graciously excel in creating space for others. You are a true inspiration to me!