In our area of West Michigan, school children, parents, school staff, and retailers are gearing up for the back-to-school season. Store aisles are filled with shoppers gathering notebooks, binders, pencils, calculators, and crayons. Teachers are designing bulletin boards and preparing lesson plans. Custodians are polishing floors even as administrators finalize calendars and other details. Families are fitting in last-minute vacations and outings before their children head back into the classroom.

For some students, including many with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), “back to school” may generate either excitement as they anticipate a return to a comfortable routine (for many, the lack of structure during a vacation can be very difficult), or apprehension as they contemplate new, and perhaps unknown, details such as schedules, classmates, teachers, and more.

Following are just a few suggestions for helping students ease back into the school routine after a summer (or other) break:

1.     Start the routine before it’s needed. Don’t wait until the night before school starts to set an earlier bedtime (or an earlier wake-up time the next morning). Begin easing into the school schedule a couple of weeks before school starts. And consider adding other elements that will be present once school starts, perhaps breakfast at an earlier time, and some late afternoon “homework”—working on flashcards, creative writing, household chores, etc. as a way to prepare for upcoming academic pursuits.

2.     Provide students with as much information as possible about the upcoming transition. Can you visit the classroom and meet the teacher? Have a play-date with one or two new classmates? Practice getting on and off a school bus? Drive the route from home to school (and back)? Get a copy of the schedule, and help familiarize the student with it? This type of information—especially the hands-on variety—can ease a lot of anxiety and prepare students for what lies ahead.

3.     Enlist necessary assistance. Do you need to write a letter to your child’s teacher to help that person better understand your child? Perhaps you can discuss your child’s sensory needs with an occupational therapist to line up some strategies for dealing with increased sensory difficulties with the return to school. Are there other parents who can provide valuable information about the school routine, or strategies they’ve used to help their children acclimate to a new school year? (Parents, administrators, and teachers may benefit from my coaching services, receiving personalized assistance via phone, email, Skype, or in person in West Michigan. Together we can brainstorm practical strategies for helping students to transition successfully).

I’m sure that many of you reading this article have additional suggestions for easing back into the school routine. I hope you’ll share those here. Other readers will benefit from your experience and creative ideas!

Last week I told you about a sign which read, “Change is inevitable…growth is optional.” We looked at the first half of that, and I promised that this week we would reflect on the second half.

All people encounter change on almost a daily basis, whether it’s routine, minute change, or major, life-altering change. We know that people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) tend to have difficulty dealing with change. However, all people respond differently to change. How one person responds to change will usually depend in part on personality, coping style, other factors the person is dealing with concurrently, past experiences and exposure to change, how the change presents itself, and even a person’s age.

The research I’ve done indicates that responses to change tend to be the same as the responses typically associated with grief. Research varies when describing the different ways of responding to grief or change. But most indicate something similar to the following:

Denial: Refusing to accept the change or the need for change;

Anger: Often people will look for someone to blame, and may respond by lashing out at other people—particularly those they choose to blame for the situation, but also others who may be close-by;

Bargaining: Trying to find a way around the change, or trying to substitute other options for the proposed change;

Depression: Sometimes people are so overwhelmed by change that it drags them down emotionally, and they find it difficult to function even in other areas;

Acceptance: Accepting the change, and possibly even feeling empowered by it or enthusiastic about it;

Many people believe that the most important aspect of change is how we respond to it. Last week we looked at the need to be flexible so that we can adapt to change. This week we’re looking at how change can prompt us to grow…if we let it.

“If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it” (Mary Engelbreit). In other words, there are some changes we can initiate in order to promote progress. When changes are unexpected or unwelcome, we can try to have a positive attitude about them. In fact, we can “Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change” (Brian Tracy) We may not be able to control the situations which force us to think differently about the way we do things, or to respond differently, or those which completely change our circumstances, but we can continue to stay involved in the process in order to help ensure that good can come from it.

Sometimes change can promote emotional growth. When a relationship changes, we learn something about ourselves and may possibly gain skills for maintaining healthy relationships. Other times change can promote financial growth. Many of us are forced to change our spending habits because of dwindling savings accounts or lost income. With time, we may find that we do a better job of saving, and identify fewer things we “need” to spend money on. Change can also promote professional or intellectual growth. Many of us continue to learn new computer skills as our world depends more on electronic communication, banking, and other services. We may be forced to learn other new skills because of a job change or to help our children adapt to change in classroom instructional techniques. If we can maintain a positive attitude about change, and work to avoid denying, resisting, lashing out at, or being overwhelmed by change, we may find that it helps to bring about many new opportunities for growth!

I’ll close with one final quote on change. Okakura Lakuzo once said, “The art of life lies in a constant readjustment to our surroundings.”

Best wishes to all of you as you face new changes this week. Remember that change can promote progress and growth in our lives and in the lives of those with whom we live and work!

I recently saw a school sign which read, “Change is inevitable…growth is optional.” I’ve been reflecting on that for a few weeks, and wanted to share some of my thoughts with you. Let’s look at the first half of the quote this week, and the second half next week.

Most of us know by now that change is a part of life. We’ve all experienced the kind of change that happens almost on a daily basis, such as last-minute schedule changes, change in temperature or weather, and the minute changes in our own temperament, preferences, and understanding of the world around us. Some change is more significant. By now, we’ve likely learned that even living situations, jobs, relationships, and health can change, sometimes slightly, other times in life-altering ways. Some changes are eagerly anticipated or even pursued by us. Others are dreaded. Some come after advanced notice; others appear suddenly, without warning.

Change generally necessitates other changes. We need to be flexible in order to adapt to the changes we cannot avoid. Some of us are perhaps better at this than others. Individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) may find change to be particularly difficult. Because they struggle with generalization (learning from experience and applying that to novel situations) and have difficulty making accurate guesses about why things happen the way they do (as well as how they could respond most effectively), much of life seems random to them. To compensate for this and to keep themselves more comfortable, they tend to grasp onto those things which are predictable, including routines, schedules, calendars, and clocks. Often the more predictable their surroundings are, the more they are able to handle the physical, emotional, sensory, and social demands of life. However, since change is inevitable, we need to find ways to help them cope with change and adapt as they go.

Visual strategies (such as those contained in the book by Linda Hodgdon), The Social Response Pyramid™, Social Stories™, “The Incredible 5-Point Scale,” and sensory integration techniques can often help parents and professionals working with individuals who have difficulty with change. Resources such as these can give them tools for understanding the need for change or dealing with it more effectively.

Next week we’ll examine the second half of the quote, “Change is inevitable…growth is optional.”

Let’s have an exciting week as we navigate change together!

On a recent trip to the lake, I began conversing with a family sitting on a dock with fishing lines in the water. One of the young children informed me that they hadn’t caught anything yet, but he was still having fun. (His brother told me that if he caught anything, he would turn it into fish sticks!) Their dad explained that he had noticed how easily the boys gravitated toward sitting on the couch watching TV or playing video games, and he decided it was time to get them outdoors and involved in other pursuits!

I wish more people would do the same! Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing inherently wrong with electronics. In fact, I’m very thankful for my phone, computer, and occasionally my TV, and on very rare occasions, I enjoy playing video games with my kids (it’s the only time I’m good at bowling)! The problem is that most people either cannot or do not use electronics in moderation. Instead of using them as helpful tools, they end up wasting time, including days, months, and even years of their lives…if you don’t believe me, just do the math!

Research has shown that electronics can cause an addiction that triggers the same area of the brain as alcohol and drugs. (Click here for one interesting link; there are many more if you are interested in studying this further, and we will post others on Facebook throughout the week.) So if you or your child has difficulty turning off a computer, video game, or television, you may want to consider whether the desire to “relax,” or to “connect with friends,” or to “play a few games” has ventured beyond something on which you can place healthy limits. You may need to ask yourself the same questions I often ask myself:

-       Do electronics interfere with my opportunities and ability to connect with my family, friends, and other loved ones?

-       Do electronics interfere with my health (weight, exercise, cardiovascular functioning, mental and emotional health)?

-       Do electronics take up more time than productive work, either at home or in the community?

-       Are electronics interfering with my ability to succeed at school, at work, or in relationships?

Part of using electronics successfully instead of having them control our lives is defining their role and appropriate usage. A few years ago I developed “electronic contracts” to use at home with my own teenagers. The discussions they sparked have been invaluable for ensuring that we are all on the same page regarding the expectations for the use of phones, computers, television, and video games, and that we have established suitable consequences (both positive and negative) for either following or for not meeting them. (You can purchase the contracts in a pdf document at http://socialincites.com/resources-by-laurel-falvo.html).  

Although there is much debate as to whether the following quote is attributable to Albert Einstein, as some claim, it is a point worth pondering:

            I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.

Regardless of who said it, I’ve seen some interesting groupings of photos accompanying that quote, all depicting people huddled over their electronics, interacting with a small box rather than the people seated around them. And I’m guessing most of us have seen (or been a part of) similar situations!

There are some interesting research articles and personal perspectives regarding the use of electronics. This week we’ll share some of those on Facebook for those who are interested in reading more. Regardless of the “pros” and “cons” of electronics, we know that there are numerous benefits to using them in moderation, making sure we control them, and not the other way around!

Best wishes as you grow personally and interpersonally (because of or in spite of electronics)!

Do you wear sunglasses? Summertime in Michigan is a time when many people wear them to the beach and on other outdoor outings. Sunglasses are tinted to keep out harmful sun rays, and to protect the eyes from bright light and glares. I have two pairs of sunglasses—one tinted grey, and the other tinted brown. I was surprised to try on my husband’s sunglasses once, and find that everyone around me looked like they were sunburned! I quickly realized that Steve’s sunglasses are tinted red.
 
What do sunglasses and social insight have in common?
 
When we wear sunglasses, we’re generally aware that the colors we see may be affected by the tinting on our glasses. Social insight reminds us that all of our perceptions of people around us are colored by our own CONTEXT, or our past experiences, our interests, personality, abilities, beliefs, expectations, feelings, cultural background, and more! Of course, our perceptions also affect our responses. So we sometimes end up responding in a way that isn’t very effective. Here are some examples:
 
- A teacher hears that he is going to have a student with Asperger Syndrome in his class next year. He has either met a person with Asperger’s before, or has done some research on (or heard stories about) Asperger’s. Through those experiences, he has developed a negative impression of Asperger Syndrome. When the student arrives, the teacher has already formed expectations about the student’s behaviors, academic functioning, social skills, etc., before knowing anything about this student’s unique personality, interests, or abilities. The teacher’s interactions with that student are colored by the teacher’s own CONTEXT, and unless the teacher is open to learning new things about this student, they are beginning the year with a reduced likelihood that they will be able to interact effectively with each other.
 
-A shopper sees a child throwing a tantrum in the middle of a store. The seemingly frazzled mother is bent over the child, talking calmly and quietly while the child kicks and screams. Exasperated, the other shopper rolls her eyes and says, “Lady, you need to learn how to control your child!” What she doesn’t realize is that the child is tired, has sensory issues, has been diagnosed with autism, and has just been steered away from the aisle filled with action figures—a passion of his. While his mother generally does a great job of parenting this young boy and managing his special needs, today these various factors came together to produce a major meltdown. Unfortunately, the lack of social insight and awareness of different CONTEXTS has left two adult shoppers feeling frustrated, and may keep the child from being exposed to shopping experiences for a while, robbing him of an opportunity to learn valuable skills for being successful in that and other environments.
 
-An employer conducts an interview with a young man who has difficulty making eye contact, and seems to struggle to find the words to answer the questions directed at him. While the young man has submitted an excellent resume demonstrating training related to the job in question, and has glowing references from teachers, the person doing the hiring is left feeling uncomfortable with the mannerisms displayed by the applicant. Rather than seeking to understand why the applicant appears awkward, or looking beyond the mannerisms to take time to experience the skills that this person could bring to the workplace, the employer decides to find another potential employee. Both people have missed out on an opportunity to grow their personal insight and skills and to grow this business through the benefits that would have been discovered if this young man had been given a chance!
 
Our knowledge, experience, personality, interests, and expectations can help us interact more effectively with others. Unfortunately, they can also hinder our interactions if we rely on our own CONTEXT to interpret others’ responses rather than taking the time to discover where their responses are coming from.
 
Best wishes as you continue to promote social insight and social effectiveness all around the world!