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In the classic movie, “The Sound of Music,” Maria (Julie Andrews) sings a song called, “My Favorite Things” She lists “raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,” among other things.
If I were to list my own favorite things, I would include beautiful sunsets, a walk through the woods or on the beach, watching and listening to birds (especially hummingbirds), spending time with my family and friends, and reading a good book. Professionally, some of my favorite things are these: 1. Brainstorming with parents, grandparents, individuals with autism, teachers, and other professionals to better understand the reasons for puzzling behaviors or “feeling stuck,” and to develop goals and “next steps” for achieving those. In the last month, I’ve met with the staff of a group home, teachers and paraprofessionals from a couple of schools, employment training specialists, a group of young people hoping to be employed soon, and several parents of children of all ages. I’m able to provide consulting and coaching services around the world, thanks to the technology of email, Skype, and phone, as well as meeting in my office with people who live in our area. 2. Teaching individuals with autism to better understand themselves and the SOCIAL CONTEXT (or the people who interact with them). As I help them identify others’ expectations and strategies they can use to meet them, it’s gratifying to hear them say, “I never knew that before,” or, “I’ve heard this before, but I guess it’s time to listen and apply it to my life!” 3. Learning from every person with whom I interact, in class or group settings, during a presentation or consult, in my office, and through email. You all have unique experiences, abilities, interests, experiences, dreams, fears, and challenges. As you share those, you enable me to grow, too—thank you! Best wishes as you enjoy your favorite things this week!
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What does autism have to do with us? Whether or not you live or work with autism, or have a form of autism yourself, the statistics (1 in 91) indicate that we are all interacting regularly with people with autism.
Have you noticed that removing all but the second and next-to-the-last letters in the word, “AUTISM,” leaves the word “US?” When I present on autism, I often remind audiences that focusing on autism should never be a quest to find out “what’s wrong with them.” Instead, it should be about US, and how we can be more understanding, more flexible, more helpful, and more tolerant. It should also be about how we can be better parents, better teachers, better siblings, better thinkers, and better friends. The first step is to better understand ourselves, and our unique CONTEXT. What do we know about autism? How have our experiences, our personality, the things we’ve read, and the people we’ve met shaped our understanding of autism and our potential responses to people with this diagnosis? What strategies do we have available to help us be effective parents, educators, or others interacting with people with autism? The strategies we use may be “innate” strategies such as theory of mind, gestalt processing, executive functioning, or social and emotional intelligence (what I refer to as the “building blocks of social understanding and social effectiveness.”) We may use calming strategies, sensory integration tools, or specific teaching strategies such as Social Stories™, Social Behavior Mapping™, the Social Response Pyramid™, The Incredible 5-Point Scale™ (all of which are available from The Gray Center at www.thegraycenter.org), or The Planner Guide™. Invariably, most of us find that as we strive to truly know each individual with autism (his/her individual CONTEXT, STRATEGIES, authentic RESPONSES and reasons for them, and awareness of the SOCIAL COINTEXT), and are passionate about helping them to be successful, we do indeed become better parents, better teachers, better siblings, better thinkers, and better friends. Last Monday was Labor Day in the USA. In honor of Labor Day, I took a break from sending a weekly newsletter—my first break in six years!
With our new “Social Coaching for Workplace Success” program, I’m spending more time researching, thinking, and teaching about work. Last week we hosted a discussion, “Lessons Learned on the Job,” with the young adults in our Social Coaching Network and their parents. As we shared stories about jobs we’ve held throughout our lives, whether at home or in the community, paid or unpaid, some main themes arose as people described the value of work: 1. It feels good to accomplish something 2. Getting affirmation from others for a job well done helps us to keep going 3. A paycheck is a definite benefit! 4. It’s great to know that we have gifts (time, abilities, knowledge, personality traits) that others need and value 5. Work helps us learn new skills 6. Work experience looks good on a resume and gives us access to people who might serve as references Last week there was an editorial in our local newspaper (The Holland Sentinel, Esther Cepeda, August 30, 2012) entitled, “It’s called ‘work,’ not ‘fun.’” It was an interesting review of research indicating that young people today expect their daily pursuits to be “fun” and entertaining, and employers are beginning to have to deal with not just employing workers, but entertaining them. I teach my students that employers have expectations for them, and the better they can meet those expectations, the more successful they will be. Are we modeling that for our students? Are we clearly defining our expectations, and giving them strategies to meet those? Are we ensuring that they have opportunities to develop work-related skills and a great work ethic? Our students need to know that work isn’t always fun, but it’s still worthwhile! There are both “pros” and “cons” to almost every job. But most jobs help provide nourishment, growth, connections, and opportunities to contribute—all necessary components of a healthy, well-balanced life! Best wishes in your work this week—whatever you do, and wherever you do it! |
Social IncitesSocial Incites™ are insights which incite (encourage) personal and interpersonal growth. Social Incites™ are written by Laurel Hoekman, Certified Family Life Educator, Certified Employment Training Specialist, Social Coach, Consultant, and Registered Social Service Technician (Michigan). For 15 years, Laurel was the Executive Director of The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding, and has also been a CASA volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate for children who are abused and neglected). She is passionate about helping individuals and families (including those affected by autism spectrum disorders) identify and achieve their goals, particularly in building and maintaining effective social connections. Archives
April 2023
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