I love the holidays! For the last couple of weeks, West Michigan has been blanketed in white, fluffy snow, Christmas carols play on the radio, the house is filled with the aroma of special baked goods and meals, our children are adorning our home with the trimmings of the holidays, and our schedules are beginning to include time set aside for celebrations with family and friends. Although it’s busy and sometimes stressful, it’s something I look forward to every year, and I am always a little sad when the holidays are finished for another year.

However, I know that for many people, sadness is a major ingredient in this holiday season. Some people don’t have family or friends to celebrate with, either because they’re too far away, they’re not emotionally close, or because they’ve lost significant people in their lives. Financial worries put a damper on others’ holiday cheer. Illness, stressful jobs, bad weather, and a host of other circumstances can lead to sentiments expressed by the title of the holiday song, “Blue Christmas.”

What should you do when you’re feeling blue?

1.     Be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel guilty for the emotions you’re feeling. Don’t berate yourself for not getting enough done. Get extra rest. Don’t overspend, as you’ll eventually need to face the bills, which causes greater stress and sadness down the road. Keep it simple, and find ways to pamper yourself a little.

2.     Step outside your comfort zone. Sequestering yourself can lead to increased feelings of isolation and sadness. Instead, pick a few traditions, outings, and gatherings that you think you can handle. Often, the best way to feel good during the holidays is to reach out to someone else who is feeling “blue.” Look for a widow or widower, single mom or dad, a lonely teen, a neighbor with no family in the area, an elderly person living in a nursing home…bring baked goods, shovel their walk, invite them for dinner or “coffee,” offer to babysit, or send them a handwritten note. Often, the relationships that are forged end up filling a need for everyone involved, and perhaps begin traditions that can be eagerly anticipated in future years.

3.     Get professional help if needed. If everything seems too overwhelming; if you find it difficult to leave your home or to feel any joy, consider enlisting the help of trained professionals to get you back to full physical and emotional health.

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…if you find yourself anticipating a blue one, I hope it helps to know you are not alone, and there are some steps you can take not only to endure—but hopefully to enjoy—the weeks ahead!

Like most three-year-olds, my youngest son asks a lot of questions! What does “alerting” mean? When is it going to snow? Is tomorrow a school day?
 
Noah’s most common question right now is, “Why?” as in, “Why doesn’t it snow in Florida?” or “Why do I have to go to bed?” or even, “Why does a cat have whiskers?” Most frequently, he simply asks, “Why?” As soon as I give him an answer, he again asks, “Why?” and immediately after that answer, “Why?” His patience outlasts mine every time!
 
In many ways, I admire his curiosity and tenacity. Although I suspect that he sometimes asks the question out of habit, without really listening to my answer (I’m sure I can be accused of the same thing at times!), typically he asks because he genuinely wants to know something. He is eager to keep learning about life: people, places, traditions, activities, academics, emotions, etc. His questions—and interacting with me to get his questions answered-- help him grow personally and interpersonally.
 
As adults, we had many of our questions answered long ago. And I suspect that over time, many of us tend to lose the wonder and curiosity so common at three years of age. In our busyness and practicality, we may be annoyed by questions, especially if we feel they are repetitive, impractical, or untimely.
 
How often do we miss “teachable moments” because we get irritated by questions, or because we don’t realize that someone has a question they are not asking? Young children ask many questions, but their lack of knowledge and maturity make it so they often do not know what to ask, or don’t know how to ask it. People with autism may have the same problem, but due to their difficulties “reading” social situations, generalizing, “seeing the big picture,” or communicating.
 
Why do we need to be more patient with others’ questions? Why do we need to anticipate which information someone else might need, even if they do not ask the questions? Why do we need to keep asking questions of ourselves and others? I believe It’s all about growing personally and interpersonally...but I'd also love to hear your thoughts...and questions!
 
In this week ahead, I am wishing all of us the patience, curiosity, empathy, and insight needed to ask questions and to delight in providing answers to the questions others ask!

Every week you give me an opportunity to share my insights with you, and for that, I sincerely thank you! I especially like it when you interact with me, providing additional insights which encourage me, give me the opportunity to get to know you, and help me grow.
 
As I consider future topics for this weekly Social Incites™ article, I hope you’ll take about 60 seconds to complete this short survey to let me know what would be most beneficial to you. Everyone who responds will be entered in a drawing for FREE resources. You might be a winner!
 
Here are some of the insights I’ve received from readers:
 
ON TRADITIONS, RULES, and ROUTINES: (Remember the holiday ham? That article sparked these additional fun insights):

• Suzanne from Tennesse wrote: My grandmother, who passed away at age 103 in 1994, told this story. She wanted my mother, at that time a young child, to look nice for church. Grandmother starched and ironed her bloomers. However, the starched, scratchy bloomers caused my mother to fidget and fuss so much during the church service that my grandmother never starched her bloomers again!
  
  While I am telling stories, here is one that illustrates what not to do!
  My grandmother was a remarkable, if somewhat stubborn and impatient woman. When my mother got a little older, it was her job to wash the dishes. Now this was in the country and at the time of outhouses, which for obvious reasons were not located right next to the house. When it was time to wash the dishes, my mother would suddenly develop an urgent need to use the bathroom, which meant a trip out back to the outhouse, which was located somewhere between the barn and the grape arbor. But grandmother, being who she was, was impatient to get the dishes done and would do them herself instead of waiting on my mother. I don't think this happened every day, but it didn't take long for my mother to figure out how to get out of doing the dishes! (All was not lost, however, as my mother grew up, rose to the rank of Chief in the WAVES in WWII, was the first in her family to graduate from college, and is still alive today at age 93.)
• Susan wrote: We always draw or paint a face on our pumpkin. Last year we used a black cat. This year we used a Native American mask of the bear.

 
ON FOOD INCITES: I heard from many people who are also avoiding gluten, dairy, and/or a variety of other foods. Most shared the frustration and lonely feelings of not being able to eat what others are eating, or not knowing what to eat, but all inspired me with your dedication, persistence, creativity, resourcefulness, interesting research and helpful tips, and encouragement. (I posted some resources that they recommended on our Facebook page). Thank you!
 
HOW ABOUT YOU?
It’s never too late to share your insights! I love to hear from you, and welcome your posts below, on Facebook, or via email or phone.
 

What do you want?

-       To have friends, to be noticed, to be heard, to be missed?
-       To be recognized for your talents?
-       To have people want what you have to offer?
-       To be included in the lives of others, their activities, their conversations?
-       To make a difference in the world, so that when you’re gone, people can point to the contributions (big or small) that you made?

I want these things. And typically the people I live, work, and interact with seem to also want these things. I’ve been pondering this a lot lately, and I think it all boils down to wanting to be “relevant.”

It’s interesting to note the two definitions given for “relevant” in various dictionaries. I have paraphrased them here:

1.     To be PERTINENT; relating directly and significantly to the matter at hand. While some people prefer to be on the sidelines rather than in the middle of the action, I think most still want to be directly connected to the action, and certainly to be “significant” or “of consequence” to the other people gathered there. While spectators are not performing, playing the game, or providing the purpose for the event, they still are generally necessary, as they add energy, purpose, and often financial support. While some people are quiet, and do not contribute much to conversations, they likely still want to be acknowledged and appreciated for their willingness to listen. While many employees work “behind the scenes” to create a product, produce a delicious meal, fix things that are broken, or provide valuable services, their lack of significant pay, attention, or accolades does not typically mean that they are irrelevant, in fact, often they are the most important to the overall success of a program or product, business or organization!

2.     To be DISTINCTIVE; having a special quality, notable. Yes, part of being relevant is being noted for our unique contributions to the activity, event, entity, or environment. We often do not want to be just “part of the crowd,” but we want it to matter that we are there; each person, wanted and needed for whatever role they have to play.

It has struck me over the years that even people who seem incredibly accomplished are often seeking to be “relevant,” or to feel like they “matter.” Those with disabilities, noted often for what they cannot do, are typically striving to be connected, needed, and applauded for what they are able to do and contribute. Those who engage in negative behavior (bullying, abuse, addictions, various crimes, etc.) are often simply searching for relevance.

What can we do today to help someone feel relevant? How can we help others see that they are needed and appreciated? How can we applaud them for their distinctive qualities? In searching for answers to these questions, it’s interesting to note that we will become more relevant to others. For as we affirm them for their relevance, we become relevant to them!

My hope for each of us this week is that we would see that we truly are relevant for a variety of reasons, and encourage others to identify and appreciate their own relevance! (YOU are also relevant to me! I hope you’ll take a minute to comment, whether you agree or disagree, and share your thoughts about this topic or anything else. You can comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email!)