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A few years ago I purchased my first GPS (Global Positioning System), which has greatly enhanced my travels as I no longer worry about where to turn, when, and in what direction, or whether I might get lost in an unfamiliar place. However, I’ve become accustomed to a few “quirks” in the tool which my family now refers to somewhat affectionately as “Tom.”
For years, I traveled with the aid of maps. I would spend time before and during my travels perusing the “big picture,” selecting the most scenic routes, or if I was in a hurry, the most efficient and direct. When Tom entered my life, I simply entered an address and followed his directions to get to my destination. Through the years, however, I’ve noticed that Tom gets “stuck” on a particular route, and will do anything to get me to follow his advice, even if it’s not at all scenic or efficient! He’ll advise me to make a U-turn, or go miles out of my way to get back to the highway he has selected. If I select a route which is contrary to his choice, I finally have to turn him off to avoid his constant, seemingly desperate admonitions “Now…make a U-turn,” or “in 300 feet, turn left.” I’m often struck by the similarities between “Tom” and the people I know who have been diagnosed with Asperger’s or autism. They often function very effectively when they are able to follow familiar routines, or can make decisions based on a known commodity. However, when faced with unfamiliar people or expectations (or changes in routine), they become very flustered, even to the point of shutting down or having a “meltdown.” They’re struggling to process information and respond given the information they have, but they’re missing something important that would help them to be more effective. Just like “Tom” has no way of knowing that I’ve selected a more scenic route, or the roads have been changed since his software was developed, or there’s a traffic jam ahead, people with ASD (autism spectrum disorders) have difficulty judging intent, generalizing, learning from experience, and “seeing the big picture” (a process called “gestalt processing”). Are you someone who, like Tom, insists on doing something a certain way, even if it’s not the most effective? Do you know someone who uses “GPS processing?” Next steps might include gathering more information, providing better details about expectations, using strategies to help see the big picture, identifying a goal and various steps to achieve it, and/or accessing available supports to help you or them keep moving forward. And don’t forget to celebrate the benefits of GPS processing—just like “Tom” has often helped me navigate safely and successfully to my destination, people with ASD have many strengths and abilities that benefit all of us! Best wishes for a week of exciting insights as you navigate your daily routines!
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This summer my family and I had an adventure on the water. We had spent a wonderful weekend at a local marina on our boat with family and friends. The vacation was over, and we needed to get the boat out of the water and trailer it back home. We pulled away from the dock, and quickly discovered that the boat would only go in reverse. It wouldn’t go in neutral, and wouldn’t drive forward. My husband thought quickly, and managed to navigate backwards through the marina to a safe harbor where we could anchor out to await assistance. After a few phone calls, we ended up being towed back to the boat launch, and trailered the boat safely back home. We contacted the mechanic, and were told that it could take weeks to get the boat repaired, and that it would likely be very expensive.
My husband opened the cover of the outboard motor, and found a little hairpin cotter lying just inside. It was a seemingly delicate metal pin, only about an inch long, similar to the photo I’ve included. When the pin was originally installed, after being inserted through the two pieces it was designed to hold together, the two ends should have been bent in opposite directions like the letter "T". Instead, someone bent both ends the same direction, so that it formed an “L” shape. Over time, it had worked its way out of the hole, and as we backed away from the dock, it fell out, and the motor lost the ability to shift into other positions. It took my husband about a minute to put the pin back through the two holes and to bend the ends in separate directions. The repair cost us nothing. It was amazing to me that a tiny little cotter pin could disable an entire boat and cause so much inconvenience for our family. As I marveled at that thought, it occurred to me that often it’s the “little things in life” that cause the biggest problems. They may be little things that we think are inconsequential, or that we don’t even notice until something goes wrong. What are the “cotter pins” or “little things” in your life? What impact could they have if you ensure that they are addressed effectively? What could happen if they are neglected? Consider these quotes:
Back in December, I thought life would slow down after the holidays. However, somehow the year-end parties and travels seemed to quickly be replaced by school field trips, work deadlines, doctor's appointments, and committee meetings. Stepping into summer didn’t relax the pace in our home, as kids headed off to summer jobs, and our client load ramped up as students graduated from high school. Now we’re just a few months away from the holiday season again! Based on the comments some of you sent last week when I was on vacation, I know I'm not alone in longing for a chance to just relax!
I'm learning that I can take steps to avoid feeling completely overwhelmed by the busyness of life. I'll provide some of those in this article. You might find that these ideas help you personally, or can be shared as an educational tool with the individuals with whom you live or work. If you have others to suggest, I hope you'll share those at www.socialincites.com, on our Facebook page, or by emailing me. 1. BE REALISTIC! If you always have too much on your to-do list or calendar, you're creating an environment where you're likely to feel constantly overwhelmed. Is there something you can skip (at least for today), or delegate to someone else? Are you spending too much time on one thing, whether it's a worthwhile pursuit or a bit of a "time-waster?" This week’s Social Incites™ is arriving in your inbox later than usual because I spent time with extended family over the weekend and decided my work could wait. (I hope no one minds!) 2. SPELL IT ALL OUT. Some people are better list-makers than others. But sometimes seeing it in writing can make it easier to identify things that can be eliminated and/or to designate top priority items. Sometimes I email myself a "to do" list or enter tasks as specific items on my calendar. And I typically hand-write little lists—although I don’t always remember to look at them, writing the items tends to help me remember to do them. 3. GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF TIME. I'll admit that I'm frequently tempted to stay in bed "just one more minute" in the morning, and to write "just one more email" before walking out the door for a meeting. However, those little details often end up making me feel like I'm rushing through my entire day, struggling to arrive or complete a task on time. Forcing myself to get out of bed or out the door a few minutes earlier (even if I need to set my watch a few minutes ahead of the true time) can make a huge difference in the way I feel throughout the day! 4. LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. Sometimes multi-tasking or sensory overload can negatively impact our productivity. When I really want to get things done, I turn off the TV, radio, and sometimes the telephone, and remind myself not to jump up to put in another load of laundry or to sort through the mail. I'm often surprised at how quickly I can complete a task when I devote myself to it 100 percent! 5. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Eating healthy foods at regular intervals, getting physical exercise, and taking time to get a breath of fresh air can greatly improve both our attitude and our ability to get things done. Take time to nurture your friendships, especially if time with friends and loved ones lifts your spirits. If you find yourself overwhelmed to the point where you are unable to accomplish anything, you may need to consider getting some outside professional assistance. Often, we simply need to keep things in perspective. Our activities, schedules, and deadlines can be managed, (if they can't be eliminated), with relatively simple steps so that they do not completely overwhelm us. Wishing you an enjoyable week…and some time to just relax! |
Social IncitesSocial Incites™ are insights which incite (encourage) personal and interpersonal growth. Social Incites™ are written by Laurel Hoekman, Certified Family Life Educator, Certified Employment Training Specialist, Social Coach, Consultant, and Registered Social Service Technician (Michigan). For 15 years, Laurel was the Executive Director of The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding, and has also been a CASA volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate for children who are abused and neglected). She is passionate about helping individuals and families (including those affected by autism spectrum disorders) identify and achieve their goals, particularly in building and maintaining effective social connections. Archives
April 2023
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