When I was a child, my house had a front light post that closely resembled a bird cage. Apparently the neighborhood birds agreed, since every spring, we would watch a mother robin build or remodel an existing nest in the wrought iron structure. Soon we would catch glimpses of two to four delicate bright blue eggs. Eventually, under the watchful eye and patient tending of the mother bird, they hatched into helpless little creatures with beaks opening wide to the expanse above, eagerly awaiting the dinner they knew their parent would soon provide. As the baby birds gained strength, it was obvious that they would soon be moving out of the nest and venturing out on their own. One day, the mother would begin encouraging each little one to test its wings and fly. Before long, after a bit of practice, and following the mother’s lead, the little ones were led across the road before flying off in separate directions to begin their new life.

One year, as the baby birds were venturing farther from the nest, it became obvious that their mother had not returned from her recent travels. The baby robins appeared disoriented as they wandered around in the road. As my family and I watched, a very surprising thing happened! A sparrow flew down, and patiently guided the fledglings across the road!

I am able to see some similarities between a devoted mother bird and the way that I am parenting my own children. From the day my children were born, I have been aware that I am raising them to eventually head out on their own. In addition to protecting them, my role as their parent is to give them “wings,” and prepare them to “fly!” As I navigate daily life with them, I try to view each situation we encounter in light of the bigger picture, asking myself, “What lesson can this teach them that will help as they become more independent?” And also, “What is the core skill or strategy that they need to learn in this situation in order to be successful?” I have often focused on basic but important concepts such as identifying and participating in healthy relationships, asking for help, coping constructively with stress, taking turns, apologizing, planning, prioritizing, and respecting others. I’m trying to give them tools that will help them manage finances responsibly, complete tasks in a timely manner (and ensure that they are well-done), find resources to aid in problem-solving, and build strong relationships with others. Although it is tempting to shelter them or keep them close to me, I am able to continue to encourage them to spread their wings by focusing on my desire that they will be able to function as successfully as possible as adults.

Admittedly, my own abilities, experiences, and available time are not always adequate for the task at hand. I am thankful for the “sparrows” who gently help to guide my children. We can count a long list of teachers, friends, family members, counselors, and neighbors who have stepped in along the way to provide valuable guidance and practical assistance. We are learning to look for those individuals in our lives, to express gratitude to them, and to anticipate that there will always be such people to turn to as needs change on this road we’re traveling.

Whether you are a parent, a professional, or a person on the autism spectrum, you can also be a “sparrow,” guiding and assisting others along the road toward success! Sometimes it’s as simple as looking for those who are floundering, seemingly lost or unsure of the direction they should be heading. Often our patient, supportive presence can be enough to move them along to the next step of their journey!

Last week I shared the poem, “Round Tuit.” I’ve often said, “I’ll do it someday,” or “Not now…” I’ve been spending time lately considering why I put off things that I know are important or that I should be doing. Here are some of the reasons I’ve discovered:

1.     Life is busy. There are so many things on my schedule, that I don’t have enough hours in a day to do everything I’d like to do, or everything that should be done. I end up having to postpone some tasks, including those that are important. Often the urgent things take precedence over the important ones, and the “busy work” takes up all of the available hours in a day.

2.     Lack of confidence. I’ve noticed that many of the things that I continually put off doing are tasks that require confidence; either believing that they are worthwhile to others besides myself, or believing that I am capable of doing them well. Fear of failure (and sometimes fear of success) can rob me of determination to achieve a goal.

3.     Lack of planning. Many things remain “dreams” because I don’t plan to achieve them. I continue to use the “Round Tuit” excuse, but because I don’t put the item on my to-do list and deal with other distractions, conflicts, or lack of confidence, they remain distant dreams.

4.     Lack of motivation or inspiration. Whether the task is very important or not particularly important; sometimes I’m just not motivated enough to make it happen, or I’m lacking the inspiration to move forward.

5.     Lack of access to resources. Sometimes I don’t do something because I need materials that I don’t have, require additional training for the task, or simply don’t have the money or time. Some of these things may be attainable someday as I plan to put the pieces in place to achieve my goals. Other times I need to readjust my goals to accommodate the reality of my current situation.

What can you do when you need to get around to doing something? Here are some strategies I’ve found to be helpful:

1.     Make a detailed plan. Define your goal clearly and specifically, brainstorm possible ways to achieve it, then choose the next three “best steps” for reaching it. I often schedule “to do” items right on my calendar so that I take time to get to them the same way I set aside time for a meeting or other obligation.

2.     Use positive “self-coaching.” The way we talk to ourselves is often the key to how we feel and how we respond. Negative self-talk such as, “I’m no good at this,” or “I’ll never be able to do this,” or even, “I don’t have time for this,” often ends up shutting us down and making it nearly impossible for us to move forward on a task. Changing our self-coaching to positive thoughts such as, “I can do this,” or “This really should only take me an hour, and then I can do something fun,” can generate positive emotions that help us achieve our goals.

3.     Ask someone to be your coaching partner. Like an “accountability partner,” this person knows about your goal, is willing to check with you regularly to see if you’ve done the various steps which will help you achieve it, and may be able to provide additional strategies and suggestions for “getting around to it.” I have friends who help hold me accountable to my goals, along with my husband and children. Not only are they my cheerleaders who keep me going and applaud my success, but they encourage and console me when I’m struggling.

Is there something you need to get around to doing? I hope you get around to it this week!

One of my childhood memories is of having a smooth, round wooden disc, about the size of a large coin. On it was printed the following poem:

This is a TUIT
and tuits are rare,
especially the round ones,
so guard it with care.
How many times have you heard someone say
(or said it yourself, at least 6 times a day),

“One of these days, I really will do it…

I’ll do it as soon as I get a ROUND TUIT.”

Well, here’s your ROUND TUIT, and good luck to you,

Now there’s no limit

to what you can do!

(Author Unknown)

Can you relate? As I meet with social coaching clients, I often hear them remark about something they had hoped to accomplish, “I didn’t get around to it this week!” My kids try to use that phrase when they don’t complete their chores. In my own life, I have many things that I don’t get around to doing, for a variety of reasons. I’ll write more about those next week, along with suggestions for moving forward and getting “A Round Tuit!”

This week, I suggest that you pay attention to the number of times you or those around you could use “A Round Tuit.” You can compare your reasons and strategies to mine next week!