There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest.
Use both and overlook neither.
(Alan Cohen)
 
This week I’m taking a rest from working and writing. I’m planning to enjoy time with my family doing activities that I’m typically “too busy” to do as we spend time in one of our favorite places.
 
Thank you for reading Social Incites(TM) each week. I hope that you will also have opportunities to rest this week!

I remember hearing a story about a young person with autism who regularly went for a bike ride, following the same route each time. One day he did not return home. When his family went looking for him, they found him standing, bewildered, at a sign indicating a road closure. If you are familiar with ASD (autism spectrum disorders), you may feel that this is predictable, given a common difficulty with imagining new responses or solutions to novel situations.

Yet I believe that many of us suffer from the same difficulty--perhaps not with actual roadblocks out on the highways and byways, but more likely with "life's roadblocks." From receiving a diagnosis for a young child (whether or not it was anticipated), to facing difficult behaviors, to struggling through sleepless nights, to manipulating diets or medications to achieve maximum results, to striving to teach an important but seemingly difficult lesson, we are frequently faced with what at first glance may appear to be the end of the road.

At such a roadblock, we need to determine whether we will shut down while viewing it as a permanent dead end, or look around for new options so that the roadblock becomes only a temporary setback. Business-woman Mary Kay Ash apparently has said, "For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour."

How can you develop a detour? How do you keep going when you feel as though you're at the end of your road?

- Find just one thing to try that's different from what you've tried before.

- Allow yourself to rest for a moment, taking time to assess the situation and think through possible alternatives.

- Ask for directions. Utilize the creativity, gifts, and experiences of those around you to spark new possibilities for your situation.

- Remember that tomorrow is a new day, bringing with it new opportunities and perspectives.

- Look back on where you've been--sometimes this perspective shows the progress you've been making, even though it's been achieved through baby steps, or even when it feels as though you've not been moving at all!

- Recognize that the new route you take may end up being better in the long run than the one you were on previously.

What other ideas do you have? How do you keep perspective even when you're up against difficult odds or roadblocks? I hope you'll share your ideas here, or on our Facebook page.

I'll close with a quote from pioneering automaker, Henry Ford: "Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and ‘grieves’ which we endure help us in our marching onward."

Best wishes as you face temporary setbacks and turn them into stepping stones on your journey in parenting, teaching, or growing as an individual!

Many jobs depend on an on-going need for services, or “job security”, in order for the business to be successful. Retail workers want customers to keep needing food, clothing, furniture, vehicles, etc. so that the doors of the establishment can remain open and workers can keep their jobs. People in the cleaning industry rely on the reality that when people are around, messes will continue to happen. Entertainment venues expect that people will continue to crave an opportunity to play, watch movies, or get together with others to have a good time away from home. Even doctors and insurance companies know that people will continue to get hurt or sick, and will need them to help restore them to good health.

As parents, that kind of “job security” typically isn’t the best policy. When our work is focused on equipping our children with the skills and opportunities to function independently and interdependently (not depending only on us), we eliminate the “security” in our jobs. Parenting is designed to evolve and change over time. We go from providing almost all of the care that our children need as infants, to providing other types of support, perhaps more infrequently or even “hands-off,” when they are adults.

As a coach, I am also seeking to equip my students (employees, parents, children, etc.) with the skills they need to function on their own. Whether it’s meeting employer expectations so they can keep their jobs, developing empathy and conversation skills to build and maintain friendships, or learning to manage difficult behaviors effectively at home or in the classroom, eventually I hope and expect that my students will no longer need my services on a consistent basis.

What are the benefits to helping people succeed on their own? Instead of continuing to do the same thing, we are able to move on to other things. Parents may move on to the freedoms associated with being “empty nesters” or enjoying retirement. Teachers and coaches can move on to the “next thing,” whether it’s the next student, or the next opportunity. This kind of “job security” involves change, adventure, and the satisfaction of knowing that someone has been successful in part because of our efforts.

This concludes a three week series on job security. I hope you’ll take a moment to consider where job security is present in your life in healthy ways, how you might ensure that you don’t cause unnecessary job security for others, and how you might equip other people to be successful so that they no longer need your presence or services in the same way that they did in the past.

 

Last week I wrote about “job security,” and the importance of finding ways to stay positive when others create more work for us. I also promised to consider other perspectives for the next two weeks, so here’s the first: Don’t be the person who creates job security for someone else!

A few weeks ago I was job coaching with a student who was recently employed in a large supermarket. One aspect of her job is keeping the shoe department clean, which includes removing trash from the floor, putting away stray items, and ensuring that the boxes are all neat on the shelves. On one particular night, the store was having a special sale, which brought many customers into the store to purchase shoes. As we hustled back and forth through the department replacing tops on boxes, picking up shoes and trash off the floor, and putting away cereal, underwear, and other items that customers randomly left on the shoe shelves, my student and I kept smiling as we talked about job security and the fact that without customers who bought shoes, she would not have a job.

However, I couldn’t help but wonder if those customers had any idea how frustrating it was to find trash on the floor every time we turned around. Did they really think it should be someone else’s job to pick up the shoes they decided not to buy (all ten pairs)? How did they expect us to get to our other departments when the shoes were falling off the shelves and stray items were making some shelves look more like the sporting goods or grocery section than the shoe department?

For employees such as my student, a smile, “thank you,” and an extra effort to clean up after yourself goes a long way toward maintaining that smile on their face, and enabling them to feel good about their job and the people who make it possible. And the same is true at home. Should someone else have to clean up your dishes after you eat? Straighten the messes you leave around the house? Wash the clothes you get dirty? While families assign chores differently according to their values, needs, and the age/abilities of each family member, in our household, we work to ensure that everyone (even the three-year-old) is contributing to the household responsibilities, especially when he or she is the one who created the need for the work!

So, while we can be thankful for the people and circumstances around us that create a need for each one of us and the work we do (“job security”), we can also make sure we are thoughtful and responsible (that’s “social insight!”) so that we don’t create too much job security for others! 

When my husband and I coach workplace students and employees, one concept we often discuss is “job security.” An employer may pay an employee to wash dishes, clean messes, take out trash, shelve books, stock shelves, and/or greet customers (and deal with their complaints). Parents do not get paid to change diapers, cook meals, or clean dishes (and laundry, floors, bathrooms, etc.), yet those tasks are critical when caring for children.

Sometimes facing a task that seems never-ending can feel overwhelming. It may feel like the saying, “Emptying the ocean with a teaspoon.” The monotony or stress of endless work can build resentment toward the task or the people who create a need for the task.

Seeing work—whether paid or unpaid—as something negative is a way of “seeing the glass as half-empty.” It’s true that there can be a down-side to work. Most of us would likely agree that sometimes work (at home, school, workplace, or in the community) takes us away from things we would prefer to be doing, or taxes us physically, emotionally, mentally, or socially.

But there is also an up-side to work. For many of us, work leads to a paycheck, which provides income to meet our needs (and often many “wants”). Work may help us contribute to our community, build stronger or more meaningful connections to others, and grow in a variety of ways. Work is typically a sign that we are experiencing other blessings. Years ago I was doing dishes with an older lady who was very special to me. She had an incredible gift of hospitality, opening her home to aging friends and family, providing delicious meals to those who needed them, and all without any grumbling or complaining. As I put away the plates, I noticed a poem taped to the inside of her cupboard door. I wish I had a copy of that poem or could find it somewhere, (I found a similar one, which you can read here), but the gist of it was that we should be thankful for dirty dishes because it means we have food to eat. Dirty laundry means we have clothes to wear. Toys spread throughout the house (that’s what my house looks like on a daily basis thanks to my three-year-old) means we have children to delight us. Messes that need to be cleaned up in the workplace mean that we are receiving a paycheck, producing a product, accomplishing some other goal, or that we have customers that are accessing our services.

We are needed when we have time and abilities to contribute at home, school, in the workplace, and/or in the community….and when we are willing to use those to meet others’ needs. That’s job security! (Keep reading the next two weeks for two more perspectives on this topic).