Much of the work that my husband and I do through Social Incites, LLC, is focused on helping young people prepare for successful employment. As most of you know, getting and keeping a job can often be much more complicated than simply locating an open position, securing an interview, and receiving a job offer.

Over the years, we have found that it can be beneficial to initially work with families to help them develop strategies at home that are conducive to the nurturing of future employees. When those strategies are in place—and working well—the individual is likely to be much more “employment-ready.” Whether you are looking for employment, know someone who is, or are celebrating your own successful employment, here is a list of the strategies we believe are some keys to success in employment:

1.     Know yourself, and be prepared to market yourself. Be aware of your personal strengths and challenges, and continue developing and utilizing tools for maximizing your abilities, and minimizing (or eliminating) your challenges. Consider things you’ve heard from teachers, friends, family members, and former colleagues. You might benefit from accessing employment-ready tools such as interest surveys, career aptitude tests, resume-writing and interviewing classes, etc. Watch the jobs that people are doing around you as you go about your daily life, and pay attention to “help wanted” notices. As you become more aware of the types of jobs that are available, which ones appeal most to you, and the training/experience necessary to pursue a particular position, you can make decisions about what to study, who to ask to job-shadow, where to gain additional experience, etc. Let people know you’re looking for work, as employment often comes down to “who you know” more than “what you know.” And pay attention to your “packaging,” or how you present yourself to others (including hygiene, dress, mannerisms, manners, voice volume, ability to talk about your attributes, etc.), as those will help others take notice of you—hopefully in positive ways that will lead to successful employment!

2.     Get busy. Once you have a better idea of who you are, what you like, and what you might be good at, get out there and do something about it! Volunteering is a great way to gain experience, skills, connections with other people, opportunities for meaningful contribution of your time and talents, and potential professional work references, and it can help a person adhere to a productive schedule. Experience almost always looks good on a resume, and helps prepare a person for successful employment. Add to the list of things you are doing regularly and independently at home (laundry, cooking meals, budgeting, scheduling own appointments, etc.). Not only will this help keep a person busy, prepare for successful independent living, and contribute to the household, but it is also a great way to prepare for the rigors of employment. Read books and talk to people about the skills necessary for successful employment, and practice them regularly as you volunteer or work at home. Complete lots of applications… very few people get jobs without trying numerous times with a variety of employers. And remember, no one is likely to find a job while playing video games or sleeping all day!

3.     Celebrate even small successes. Securing employment can take a long time, whether or not you have extensive experience or training—or help from a professional job developer. Be sure to encourage yourself over applications completed, interviews secured, connections made with new people, classes finished, certifications attained, etc.  Hold onto hope, keep trying, and keep smiling!

That’s a very simplified list of things a person can do to prepare for successful employment. Do you have other ideas? Feel free to share those with us on Facebook, in the comments secti or connect with us via email!

 

For the last two weeks, we have invited you to share your “testimonies” with us—stories of “tests” you have faced, and what you have learned as a result. We are incredibly touched by your willingness to share your personal trials and heartaches with us, and the resiliency you have shown as you highlight the ways you have grown both personally and interpersonally through these difficult times. Here are those testimonies, shared with permission:

-       Finding out our son has Asperger’s at the age 10… I'm stronger than I thought I was, and as a couple, I am even stronger. With the love and understanding of God, friends and family, I can do anything.

-       The illness of my mother and forgiveness… When people don't feel good and are confused about themselves, they may be really mean and you have to let it go.

-       I have a son with autism… Perfection is not what I thought it was. It is being happy with what you have.

-       Losing my sister in law to cancer Jan. 2013. She was only 41 years old, leaving 2 young children 3 and 7 years old…. There are no guarantees in life, every day is precious. My faithful sister in law graciously accepted that this was all in God's plan for her, she passed with complete peace. She left a legacy of great faith that will endure in everyone who knew her.

-       In the span of two years both my husband and I lost our jobs, lost our house, moved 3 times, relocated cities, our oldest son was officially diagnosed with Asperger's, gave birth to our youngest son, and dealt with the very sudden and unexpected death of my younger sister who also happened to be my best friend… I have learned that life and loved ones are the most precious things in this world. Put your faith in the eternal, not the temporary, because no matter how secure the world around you may seem there is truly no guarantee on even our next breath and life can change in an instant. Give thanks for what you have and take time to learn what is truly important to you. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Say what you mean, what matters in your heart, and let those around you know how much you love them. You may never get the chance to say it again. (Joanna Francis)

-       Cancer… Life is a gift to be lived fully

-       Having my child "diagnosed" by a school district as emotionally disturbed and knowing that was incorrect and pushing forward until getting a diagnosis from several doctors as Asperger’s… You can't just accept things sometimes you have to go with your gut feelings and continue fighting.

-       Having my mother, father and father in law all pass away within 6 months of each other… I am only one person and as hard as I try, I cannot be everything to all people. I have to accept that I can do what I can to the best of my ability and not feel guilty about not doing more or the “what if's” of the world.

-       I have had 2 significant tests in the last 4 months. My Mom died after fighting cancer for 11 years and my husband of 30+ years attempted suicide… My sister and niece came to live with us 6 months ago. After Mom died, me & my sister would talk and cry about Mom every day - helping each other heal. When my husband attempted suicide, my niece intervened and saved his life. There really is a greater plan for all of us.

It’s true that life’s tests are often unexpected and even unwanted. Yet when we are able to see the gifts that help us deal with them, or that arrive as a result of facing a difficult test, we are able to experience and even celebrate personal and/or interpersonal growth.

Thank you for sharing your testimonies with us! The nine people who took time to share their experiences will all be receiving a free copy of ASD to Z as a token of our appreciation. The next opportunity to win free resources will be during April, which is Autism Awareness Month. Stay tuned for more information!

Last week I wrote about the “tests” that help us grow. Often it’s the difficult things in life, as unwelcome as they may be, that promote the most growth in each of us. However, that can be difficult to see when we’re in the middle of the test.

This past week my community has been impacted by the loss of three significant people; a beautiful, vivacious 15-year-old who has been valiantly battling cancer for over a year, a new grandpa who has been in a coma for several months since a devastating accident, and a star athlete who died in his sleep overnight. One friend of mine has been hospitalized for the last week, and another has been diagnosed with a recurrence of cancer and is facing difficult treatments. I recently met with a new client who experienced a very difficult test in the past year which has led to high anxiety, and a loss of a sense of security and confidence. She is a beautiful young lady, who is obviously still enduring the aftermath of the test with a variety of emotions. I was told that she has been “working her way through it…but still has a long ways to go.”

It’s hard to imagine the magnitude of the loss involved for the individuals or families impacted by each of these tests; loss of normalcy, loss of control, loss of good health, loss of life, loss of dreams for the future, loss of someone or something very dear to them. For all of them, life will never be the same. Each of them has been forever changed.

I’ve been thinking about the particular test of “loss” a lot this past week. I think it’s incorrect to think that anyone should “move beyond” such a loss, or as some people might say, “just deal with it,” or even, “get over it.”

I believe a significant loss (or perhaps any test, big or small), becomes an irrevocable part of our CONTEXT (see The Social Response Pyramid™), or who we are as a person. It doesn’t go away, but it stays with us for the rest of our lives.

Growth comes from what we learn about ourselves and others, how we assimilate that test or loss into the fiber of our beings, and ultimately, how we choose to respond to it. In each of the examples above, I have seen people choose to keep going…choose to give thanks for life, health, doctors, the support of friends and family…choose to keep hoping and believing…even choose to give back to their community in spite of their own significant loss. Each has a beautiful testimony, even though the loss is fresh and the pain is still very raw.

What test are you facing, or have you faced in the past? What are you learning or have you learned as a result of that? We hope you’ll share your “testimony” on our quick survey. (All responses will remain anonymous unless you choose to include your name). You may choose to be entered in our next PRIZE drawing at the same time!

Here’s an additional insight to ponder this week:

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it's the ability to deal with them.” (Steve Maraboli)

We wish you well as you face a variety of tests in life, knowing they can help you continue to grow personally and interpersonally!

“We want to have a testimony, but we don’t want the test.” I found this quote recently on a slip of paper from a fortune cookie at a local restaurant. I’ve been pondering it ever since.

Although there are a variety of definitions for the word “testimony,” Merriam Webster Dictionary has this one that I like best: proof or evidence that something exists or is true. We typically hear the term applied to people conveying “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth” in a court of law, or perhaps sharing stories with spiritual connections pointing to divine intervention in their lives.

But considering the term less formally, I think each of us has our own “testimony,” or possibly many “testimonies.” And returning to the fortune cookie quote, often a life “test” is what leads to a testimony, or the opportunity to learn that something exists or is true.

What “tests” have you encountered? Maybe you have been faced with a diagnosis (your own, or that of a family member). Maybe you have experienced unemployment, missed opportunities, the loss of a loved one, difficult or failed relationships, or financial struggles. Most likely you have not voluntarily chosen those tests, but they have probably caused you to discover that “something exists or is true.” You may have learned something important about your own resilience or abilities—or those of others. You might have discovered truths about the kindness of strangers or other people in your life, or the value of hard work. The tests might have led to changes in the way you spend or save money, relate to people, use your time, or perceive yourself or others.

What’s your testimony? We hope you’ll consider sharing that with us. We’ve created an easy way for you to do that by clicking here to access an online form. If you choose, your response will be considered for our next prize drawing—you may be able to win a free resource!

With autism awareness month (April) approaching quickly, we are also interested in hearing about the tests that autism has presented in your life, and how they have helped you to grow, or what you have learned as a result.

We wish you well as you face a variety of tests in life, knowing they can help you continue to grow personally and interpersonally!

Last week I wrote about the gift I received when my family and I were “snowed in” recently. The nasty winter weather in West Michigan caused cancellations of school and work commitments, and made it difficult to go anywhere. Instead, we enjoyed the gift of nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one who needed us. However, I indicated that “nothing” is intended to be only temporary, not a lasting gift. Misusing that gift can lead to laziness, a lack of motivation and progress, broken relationships, and discontent. Instead, we all need to appreciate and pursue the gift of “something.”

We all need “something,” or many “somethings” in our life. A sense of purpose can come from having activities to do, and people who count on us to do them. This can breed confidence and contentment, along with a sense of accomplishment. Engaging in “something” can spark a healthy, well-balanced life that encompasses the beauty of “The Tree Analogy,” as we actively pursue opportunities for “nourishing, growing, connecting, and contributing.”

Your gift of “something” today may be a job to do, a person to encourage, a lesson to learn, a bill to pay, a nap to take, an apology to make, a doctor’s appointment to attend, a book to read, a meal to eat, a game to play, a conversation to have, an item to purchase, etc. All of these “somethings” indicate the presence in your life of nourishing, growing, connecting, and contributing. All of these are gifts! Dirty dishes mean that you have food to eat. Bills to pay mean that you have good things to use. An apology to make means you have someone in your life worth repairing a damaged relationship.

Is your life characterized more by “nothing” or “something” at this point in time? I encourage you to download my “Tree Analogy” to think about the specific ways you can continue to grow personally and interpersonally. And as always, feel free to share your insights with us below, on Facebook, or through email. We love to hear from you!

Many times over the last several years I’ve found myself thinking, “I would give anything to have a day on which I had nothing to do!” As a busy mom and professional, those days don’t generally come my way very often. If you’re familiar with my “Tree Analogy,” my days are primarily spent “connecting” and “contributing,” with very little opportunity for “nourishing” on a regular basis. The “growing” that happens is generally linked to the various activities on my agenda, and not to intentional, deliberately selected and scheduled growth. Perhaps you can relate!

Last month, my community in West Michigan was hit by unusually blustery winter weather. The sub-zero temperatures, large amounts of snow, and high winds brought us five “snow days” in a row; school closed and we were “snowed in” indoors.

Suddenly all of my activities were cancelled, my kids were home, and together we all enjoyed “the gift of nothing.” In some ways I wish I could say that I used the time to deep-clean closets, prepare tax paperwork, stock the freezer with meals, get caught up on correspondence, write more Social Incites™, etc. However, that would have been “something,” and what I really needed more than anything was “nothing.” I enjoyed every minute of sitting in my pajamas, talking with my kids and my husband, connecting with other friends on Facebook, snuggling with my cat and my three-year-old, looking out at the drifting snow, snacking on occasional new recipes that we tried together (baked broccoli is delicious), and even occasionally napping.

Were we “bored?” In my house, that word is outlawed. There is always “something” that can be done. Boredom is a negative attitude that views “nothing” with disdain, and scoffs at creativity and productivity. Instead, we viewed this “nothingness” as a gift (one day after another). Nothing  needed to be done. There was nowhere we needed to go (and in most cases, nowhere we could go). No one needed us outside of home. It was a beautiful gift, and we enjoyed it immensely!

Of course, “nothing” isn’t intended to be a lasting gift. We enjoyed it for a week, and then it was time to move back to “something,” many things, in fact. But even that is a gift, as I’ll write about next week.

Whether you’re enjoying “nothing” or “something” right now, I hope you’ll view it as a gift, finding ways to enjoy it and to be thankful for it!

            “People ask us how we can do what we do. We can’t imagine not doing what we do.”

In my position as a coach and consultant, I have the wonderful privilege of working with families around the world. The technology of phone, Skype, and email has opened up opportunities to connect with people as far away as India, Japan, Australia, Greece, and the United Kingdom, while also working with families in my West Michigan community and across the United States. I work with children, teens, and adults, parents, grandparents, and siblings.

Why am I passionate about working with families? I believe the years a child spends growing up at home form the basis for most of their success in life. Interactions with family members can teach a person how to love, show compassion, be honest, negotiate fairly, do creative problem-solving, be resilient, develop hope for a bright future, learn to take care of themselves, others, and their surroundings, begin to identify the expectations of others and the motivation and strategies to meet them, and learn to manage their emotions effectively.

Yet I know from personal and professional experience that growing up in families isn’t always a positive process, and is rarely easy. The stressors of everyday living, combined with changing life circumstances, and differing needs and abilities of each family member can make it difficult to live together in harmony, let alone to learn and progress constructively. As a coach, I am passionate about taking the lessons I’ve learned from my own experience and the training I’ve received, to partner with families, providing support, encouragement, and practical strategies for moving forward in successful ways.

What we learn from our families—both positive and negative—often contributes in significant ways to our success as adults, and is frequently repeated in future generations. For this reason, I can’t imagine not helping families to experience success as unique individuals, and as a cohesive unit. In our recent survey, 82% of you indicated that you are parents, and 32% said you are teachers. Many of you also identified yourselves as therapists and doctors. From my experience, most people in those situations in life are also passionate about helping families to succeed. That’s why I’m delighted to partner with all of you in a mission to promote personal and interpersonal growth…and success for families!

“People ask us how we can do what we do. We can’t imagine not doing what we do.”

The Social Incites logo attempts to illustrate the concept of growing personally and interpersonally. Like a tree, I believe there are four elements of healthy, well-balanced human day-to-day living: nourishing, growing, connecting, and contributing.

Work is one way to accomplish all four areas at one time. Whether your “work” is schoolwork, housework, or paid or volunteer work in the community, many of your needs (for information, inspiration, exercise, supportive relationships, income, etc.) are being met while you grow mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, etc. Typically while you’re working, you’re also connecting with other people, and contributing your gifts of time, effort, ability, ideas, friendship, etc. And that means you’re also benefiting other people, helping them to experience nourishing, growing, connecting, and contributing.

My work focuses on helping people to be successful in their work, whether they are students, parents, teachers, administrators, employers, employees, doctors, etc.

While all aspects of work are important and valuable, paid employment is particularly beneficial as it helps to provide the income necessary to access a wide variety of life choices (where I will live, what I will do in my free time—and how I will get there, how I will deal with unexpected emergencies, how I will spend my retirement years, etc.)You may be familiar with the common saying, “Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he eats for a lifetime.” Through job development (helping an individual to become employed) and job coaching (helping an employee learn to identify and meet an employer’s expectations so that he/she can maintain the employment long-term), my husband and I are able to help people achieve a greater level of independence as they step toward and achieve their life goals.

Lastly, we often use our work to define ourselves. When someone asks, “Who are you?” our response is often related to what we do with our time, whether we are parents, professionals, volunteers, students, or are maybe “retired” from our previous occupations. Being successful at our work helps to build self-confidence and a greater awareness of what we have to offer others, or to give back to those around us.

For these reasons, I can’t imagine not helping people to be successful in their work, whatever that may be. How about you? How do you help people to be successful in their work? In our recent survey, one third of you also indicated that you are interested in learning about successful employment.  I hope you’ll share your thoughts on Facebook, as comments below, or email us!

“People ask us how we can do what we do. We can’t imagine not doing what we do.”

My first exposure to autism came when I was about fourteen years old, and chose the topic for a term paper that was assigned in class. I remember being fascinated by a diagnosis that isolated people from others, leaving an individual unable to talk, interact, or show interest in others.

Of course, our understanding of autism has changed significantly over the past few decades. We now know that it is a “spectrum disorder” affecting about one in every 88 children in the U.S., although autism is diagnosed in people of all ages all around the world. People with autism are unique individuals, each with their own abilities, interests, dreams, fears, experiences, emotions, etc. Yet each typically displays differences or delays in language and communication, social interactions, and behaviors. Often they also have difficulties with sensory processing.

I have had the privilege of knowing countless people with autism. I am humbled by their genuine friendship and willingness to accept me as I am. I am inspired by their ability to notice the little details around them. And I am jealous of their ability to memorize facts and statistics. I am determined to make the world a more friendly place for them; a place where their abilities are recognized and used in meaningful ways, and where their challenges are accommodated or addressed with beneficial strategies. And in our recent survey, 88% of you indicated that you are also interested in autism spectrum disorders!

Like most diagnoses, autism creates difficulties for people with that diagnosis, and for the people who work to interact successfully with them. Only those who have walked in their shoes can truly understand the pain, frustration, fear, and practical dilemmas that arise alongside the symptoms associated with this diagnosis.

That’s why I can’t imagine not helping people with autism… and those affected by autism as parents, grandparents, siblings, teachers, classmates, administrators, therapists, co-workers, employers, and friends. I am passionate about utilizing my love for people with autism, my understanding of the diagnosis, my experience with developing useful strategies, and my personal and professional knowledge of the strengths and challenges associated with the presence of autism, in order to help people succeed!

“People ask us how we can do what we do. We can’t imagine not doing what we do.”
 
In 2006 I began writing “The SUN News,” a weekly email article which quickly gained a readership of thousands around the globe.
As the Executive Director of The Gray Center, a nonprofit organization which benefited people with autism spectrum disorders (ASD), I was passionate about helping people to value and have the necessary skills to interact successfully with individuals with ASD.
 
Over the years, I have become increasingly convinced that the skills necessary to succeed with people with ASD (or as people diagnosed with ASD) are the same skills necessary to succeed with anyone. We are all social beings, with individual strengths and challenges that co-exist alongside the need to interact effectively with others in order to achieve our goals.
 
I eventually changed the name of my email article to Social
Incites™, “providing insights which incite personal and interpersonal
growth.” When I started my own business one
year ago, I decided to use the same name to describe my coaching and consulting services. Apparently, I am not alone in my interest in fostering social successl. On our recent survey, 91% of the respondents indicated that they are also interested in social interactions.   
 
I believe that most success in life depends on our ability to use social skills (or “people skills” or “interpersonal skills”) to interact effectively with others. It would be impossible to list all of them here, but these skills include flexibility, compassion, communication, listening, motivation, compromise, understanding, respect, kindness, patience, humility, honesty, gentleness, forgiveness, and the ability to make others feel safe and comfortable around us.
 
I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to experience social success…along with other successes that result from that. Sometimes people struggle “socially” because of personal challenges (related to a diagnosis, abuse, lack of education and support, etc.), or because of challenges in their relationships with others. I am passionate about using whatever skills and connections I have to help them move forward, to grow personally and interpersonally, so that successes big and small can be attainable for them.
 
Over the years, I have met people who describe themselves as “The Queen of Social,” or a “Social Guru.” I am neither. I struggle socially at times, either because I lack the skills necessary for a particular interaction, because I choose not to use them, or because the person with whom I am interacting is lacking or not using the necessary skills for our interaction to be successful. Yet I am thankful for the people who have graciously worked to interact with me in spite of my shortcomings, and I am passionate about sharing that same gift with others.
 
What is it that I can’t imagine not doing? I can’t imagine not working with people, using and honing whatever social skills I possess to interact successfully with them, and to help them interact successfully with others, celebrating successes—theirs and mine—along the way! What is it you can't imagine not doing? Feel free to share your thoughts on Facebook or below, or email us!
And whatever it is, keep doing it, as I’m sure you and possibly many other people are benefiting from it!