The Real Deal on Perfectionism

There's an old saying, "No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers." Some of us find comfort in this thought. It takes the pressure off, and allows us to simply do our best, and to be okay with the results.

Others find that thought discomforting. They have difficulty accepting that they are less than perfect. They wear down the erasers on their pencils, or rub right through the paper when erasing, in their attempts to complete an assignment without any flaws. Individuals with “Type A” personalities, those who were the firstborn in their families, and occasionally those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are among those who sometimes struggle with the difficulties associated with perfectionism. Wilt Chamberlain pointed out one discrepancy between the messages adults send about being perfect: “They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.”

While it’s important to teach others how to handle a tendency toward perfectionism, the above quote also indicates the importance of evaluating our response to others. Do we find ways to encourage them? Do we point out where they excel, and not just the areas where they could use some improvement? Are we expecting them to be perfect, even while we know they will not achieve perfection? “When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.” (Bill Lemley)

One of the resources sold at The Gray Center is the book, “What to do When Good Enough Isn’t Good Enough,” by Thomas Greenspon. The publisher’s description of the book reads as follows:

“Perfectionism may seem like a worthy goal, but it’s actually a burden. When you believe you must be perfect, you live in constant fear of making mistakes. Most children don’t know what perfectionism is, yet many suffer from it. Nothing they do is ever good enough. School assignments are hard to start or hand in. Relationships are challenging, and self-esteem is low. Written to and for ages 9–13, this book helps kids understand how perfectionism hurts them and how to free themselves. Includes true-to-life vignettes, exercises, and a note to grown-ups.”

If you think this book may be helpful for someone in your life, you can find it at www.thegraycenter.org. While there, you may want to check out some of our other titles:

-       Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum,

-       Making Sense of Children's Thinking and Behavior,

-       Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome,

-       Sometimes My Brother: Helping Kids Understand Autism Through a Sibling's Eyes,

-       Understanding Asperger's Syndrome: FAST FACTS (A Guide for Teachers and Educators),

-       Understanding Death and Illness and What They Teach About Life,

-       Understanding Regulation Disorders of Sensory Processing in Children,

-       Writing Measurable IEP Goals and Objectives

Best wishes as you continue to do your best, while also accepting that your efforts will not lead to perfection. “Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence.” (Rosalynn Carter)