It’s amazing to me how much of our social life revolves around eating! From birthday parties, to holiday gatherings, to “coffee” with friends, to business transactions that take place around a meal, food is typically the centerpiece of our celebrations and other social engagements.
Mealtime manners become crucial to social success at each of these. How much should you take? Which fork should you use? When should you take the first bite? Should you blow on your food if it’s too hot? And of course, remember not to talk with your mouth full, use your napkin, and chew with your mouth closed. Being a picky eater complicates matters socially (or being a life-long non-coffee-drinker like me). But I’ve recently experienced another significant complication, which is impacting me not only physically, but also socially. Last month I was diagnosed with allergies or sensitivities to gluten, dairy, yeast, eggs, nuts, corn, soy, and many other grains, fruits, and vegetables. My response when anyone offers me food? “No, thank you.” When I am invited to business meetings or social gatherings at restaurants, I typically have to politely decline the opportunity to partake of the meals or snacks that everyone else is eating. So my physical and emotional frustration at no longer knowing what to eat is compounded by the social frustration of being “different,” and often being perceived as rude or picky. I tell you this, not to incite pity for me (OK, a little pity might be appreciated), but to indicate that I empathize with many of you who are walking a similar road. People’s eating habits vary widely, whether due to allergies or intolerances, cultural customs, religion, upbringing, sensory issues, or personal preference. It can sometimes be hard to “fit in” where food is involved. I am very thankful for the wealth of information online that guides me toward understanding how the human body works, and what can be done when it doesn’t work the way we want it to. I’m thankful for companies that strive to produce healthy, delicious foods that are “free” from the many things I can’t eat, and of course, I’m thankful for people who encourage (and put up with) me when I have to eat drastically differently than they do. My experience over the last many months has led me to better understand why people eat the way they do. It’s also helped me to appreciate the many symptoms that might accompany issues with the food we’re eating. (If you’re not familiar with this concept, I encourage you to ask questions or do research on the foods that could be causing undesirable digestive, inflammatory, respiratory, neurological, or behavioral symptoms). As we work on making healthy food choices and using good mealtime manners, I hope we will be incited to also be gracious to each other, giving each other “space” to eat differently as needed. How about you? I’d love to hear about your food challenges, whether they’re similar to mine or different. Hopefully we can all be an encouragement and support to each other!
1 Comment
I have several allergies as well, lactose intolerance included. I definitely get looks from others when I take the lactaid pills, so now I keep them ready in pocket for when needed. I get comments for doing so, including why don't i just not eat those foods. But I'm vegetarian, so I get a lot of protein from dairy. They just don't get it. My daughter also has "wheat belly." There are many books out on that. Several friends have discontinued wheat/gluten in their diets, and then when they want to add some back in, its even harder on their system than before. I work hard to help my therapy kids find foods they can eat so they can participate in holiday meals. One boy could at least eat mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. And just a few bites of cupcake/cake for his birthday. I didn't worry about the other foods - just got him started. it worked! He was proud!!!
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Social IncitesSocial Incites™ are insights which incite (encourage) personal and interpersonal growth. Social Incites™ are written by Laurel Hoekman, Certified Family Life Educator, Certified Employment Training Specialist, Social Coach, Consultant, and Registered Social Service Technician (Michigan). For 15 years, Laurel was the Executive Director of The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding, and has also been a CASA volunteer (Court Appointed Special Advocate for children who are abused and neglected). She is passionate about helping individuals and families (including those affected by autism spectrum disorders) identify and achieve their goals, particularly in building and maintaining effective social connections. Archives
April 2023
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